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The “Man-Ponytail”: Y/N?

May 7, 2008

The sleek and black man-ponytailThe world seems to work in mysterious ways, and I’m starting to think that karma’s a bitch.  The latest example comes directly from my very own blog…

Two posts ago a reader commented on the incidence of men with ponytails, and after loudly exclaiming my anti “man-tail” views, I was karma-slapped by a “manly mane” encounter, not even a week later…

…Imagine a busy street corner, right at the peak of the morning rush.  Tack on a warming sun and a boisterous breeze, and there you have the scene of my trauma…

…The traffic light was red and I patiently stood there waiting to cross.  My surroundings were a semi-conscious blur (as is usually the case “pre latte”), but suddenly the setting sharpened, in a shocking and horrific way:

-I was hit in the face with a “man-ponytail”

Did I mention the boisterous breeze?  Well let’s just say that this man-ponytail had serious wings.  FOUR TIMES I was lashed in the face by his manly locks, with my innards squirming in agony.

It was a terrible moment, one that I wanted banned from my permanent memory (like the time I pooed my pants at a wedding), but as the morning wore on my mind become obsessed with the mane, and every “manly mane” for that matter…

Here’s my position on man-ponytails: I hate those nasty “danglers”, and I wouldn’t date a man who had one.  Surely this sounds judgmental, but the source of my hatred has always been a popular stereotype fact: man-ponytails (at least the long ones) are associated with greasiness, smelliness, and a colony of head-lice. 

So wouldn’t you imagine my surprise when the ponytail that whipped me didn’t possess these traits?  Not only was his waist-length pony-tail soft, but it smelled of papayas and luscious berries.  Despite his ponytail credentials, I almost projectile vomited on his back when his tail started hitting my face.

My continued abhorrence left me with the following quandary:

-If a man-ponytail is groomed and soft and luscious (but ugly), am I still allowed to shun the men that have them?  And if I do, what does that make me?  A superficial beyotch?  And if so, what right do I have to be a superficial beyotch, when I’m nothing more than a desperate dried out “hoo-ha” surrounded by a 27-year-old semi-crazy chick?

You can imagine how these questions haunt my soul, and to think that it all started with a careless comment…

So I guess it’s time for a long hard look in the mirror, to try and figure out if the well-groomed ponytail men are indeed dateable entities, or completely off my list (along with relatives, chimps, and chicks (well mostly…))

In the meantime, I wonder what the people out there think of man-ponytails…hmm?  (to help in your decision, I’ve peppered this post with unbiased, neutral ponytail pics)

42 comments

  1. I couldn’t imagine having one of those gross appendages on my head. But I might be biased, I haven’t let the hair on my head get longer than 2″ in 20 years.


  2. Stick to shaved head guys. They won’t leave hair in your soup.


  3. I myself would never grow a man-tail myself, but your manponytailism is a little unfair. Sometimes you have to give people different than you the benefit of the doubt, Romster! Stop being such an elitist! Give them a chance!!!

    Just playing, those ponytail guys are douches.


  4. I have no real strong take on male ponytails other than it sounds very Canadian.

    That, and I’m likely to kick a guy with a ponytail in the nuts over a shaved or close-cropped haircut by a 9:1 ratio.


  5. I think I like the man ponytail Romi, I mean if it smells like papayas and luscious berries how can that be a bad thing? We are talking about a ponytail and NOT a rat-tail, right? Because even if a rat-tail smells like a bed of roses, that just ‘aint happening…

    Ok, I have to put a few limitations on the whole ponytail scenario. NO MULLETS allowed, the hair must be all one length. It must not have any “product” in it to slick it back or make it shiny, and if he has the long hair, he must have a bod like Fabio to match, ……….. not asking too much, right? Also, on a windy day, it must be braided and put up in a bun so as not to take out your eyes – safety first girl!


  6. I’ll have to say that i’ve never seen a man-ponytail that long in my life, he’s like a…a…a…man-repunzle! if you climb to the top, you will discover the coveted pot o gold. hahaha, as a reader of your blog i’d like to say keep up the good posts! sure, i may be just shy of 20, but i get a kick out of them. I know I shouldn’t be, but I feel bad you havent found Mr. Right yet. I’m still searching for Mrs. Right myself. Thanks for keeping me entertained in the wee hours of the day. Sony PSP comment =P


  7. *snort* Man-tails, rat tails, mullets …. all bad. BAD BAD BAD. I dont care if it feels like silk and smells like chocolate, it’s bad. And ya know what’s worse? Have you ever seen a man smell his own man-tail? He’ll nonchalantly grab hold of his tail, and bring it to his nostrils, whilst taking a big ol’ whiffff .. Eww . . I just tasted vomit.
    No Romi. No man-tails for Romi.


  8. I’m not a big fan of man pony tails myself. I don’t like thinking that a man has more hair than I do to worry about and fuss over. I take long enough getting ready in the morning. Plus, I like the hair short so I can see his face.


  9. I’m never a fan of painting with such a broad brush. Each person needs to be judged as an individual, as does each head of hair. Being a guy that has had his hair anywhere from half way down his back to clean shaven, I know what I’m talking about. Some people look good bald, other’s not so much. The same goes for long hair. Wouldn’t you hate to find Mr. Right, love at first sight, and as he turns you see he has a long ponytail. When what? Case by case, baby. ;)


  10. I can’t believe the “man ponytail” hasn’t gained the same notoriety as “the mullet.”

    There are only a few men that I’ve seen who are able to pull off the man-tail, they include:
    – Sean Connery
    – Lorenzo Lamas in his younger days
    – maybe Dennis Hopper
    – yeah…that’s about it I think.

    Papaya and berries be darned! Flame away!


  11. Like Peter Parkour, I’ve been to both extremes. When my hair was long, I used to wear it down all the time. Basically, that’s what I grew it long for, damn it. Let it fly, do some moshing, all that stuff.

    But I DID pull it back to lift weights, play basketball, etc. Although I sometimes just pulled the top and sides back out of my face and let the rest hang. (Kinda like your third picture, but up much higher.) There are just sometimes that you need it all out of your face.


  12. May your “hoo-ha” be no longer dried out, and your face absent from surprising manly-mane-attacks.


  13. I, personally, have a thing for long hair. Had, I guess. It’s the roadie thing, my excuse for most of my odd behaviour/taste. Long hair can indeed be sexy and well kept. HOWEVER the ponytail does still give that feeling of not-so-much. The former boytoy had long hair, but always kept it tied back for work, and the second he would walk in the door, I demanded the elastic be surrendured and only returned upon his exit. Thusly, you may be judging too hastily on the man-tail, but you are quite right in your position to demand a mantailless sex life. If he wants any action from your dried out hoo-ha, he’ll have to de-tail. Also, don’t tell him your hoo-ha is dried out.


  14. Dude, man pony tails rock your panties. I cut my hair short on my head, but sometimes pull my pubes up in a pony tail, cause it’s sexy. You don’t even know how cool man-ponytails are. Not all guys can pull it off though. Classic example: Metallica rocked the long hair, Fabio just made it faggy. And the reason guys with long hair have a dirty stigma is because they are GUYS! Guys never get taught how to take care of hair. I wash mine with soap half the time. If you hate the long hair look, don’t go for it, but if you do dig it, you can easily teach your man how to properly care for his locks in such a way as to reduce filth and parasites.


  15. Aside from the fact that I am going bald, I would never grow a mantail either. I never understood them. What the fuck is the point of growing your hair long when you’re just going to tie it off anyway? Why not just grow an Uncle Jesse… that way it is somewhat long but not to the point where you have to bother with pesky scrunchies.


  16. Most times when I see the man-tail I try to picture them with a buzz cut.

    But there is one dude that I see at least once a week who is sexy as hell with his tail. He is very muscular, always seen wearing a black suit and tie,and dark shades. I think he plays bodyguard for some rich dude. It works for him. (and it works for me when he comes by) ;)


  17. i am not a fan of those ;)


  18. “Careless comment” – hah! It was all part of my grand plan to get you thinking about what you truly want in a man, Romi. And it sounds like in your heart of hearts you may just be willing to give the man-tail a chance.


  19. You are correct in shunning them. A guy smelling like papaya is not really that much better than a guy smelling sweaty. I share your horror.


  20. Yeees, very unbiased pictures there :)

    Ok, I admitted my love of the hairy chest in your last post and now this… Sigh. I’ve had several boyfriends with the man-tail. My husband, bless his purdy head, has half a chrome dome happening, but the old boyfriends, there’s a different story. It’s not the hair itself – although the three I dated with the man-tail all had luscious thick, long curls – it’s the whole hairy thing I guess. I don’t know! One ex had an amazing body – ripped – six pack, the whole bit and in the shower with his wet hair down his back… ok, I have to go now…
    Please still love me Romi! I have turned my back on the man-tail and these examples do make me want to vomit…


  21. Back when I had hair I had a pony tail. Now not so much. I cut my own hair with a $35 Wahl clipper. Takes about 10 minutes to go all around my entire head. I prefer pony tails to be on the girls, but then I believe the First Amendment allows for freedom of hairstyle. Don’t it?


  22. Miss Romi…

    Ponytails are for chicks. I love them on chicks.

    Guys who sport ponytails are pussies.


  23. Some guys look hot with long hair, but no guys look hot with ponytails! Nuff said!


  24. I’m still saying some guys can pull it off.


  25. @ le sexy boyfriend: NO!!! For the love of God and all that is holy, NO MAN PUBE PONYTAILS!!! Yeeeesh.


  26. BTW, You know what you find under a ponytail?

    A Horses Ass.


  27. My dad has a pony tail mainly because his hair is receeding at the top. Hes my dad so I never thought about it til now. oops..

    Dreads are hot on a guy.. I totally go weak for a guy with dreads… in general man-tails are not cool.

    Shaven heads are hot. short spikey hair is ok. long hair might be ok if they look after it.


  28. Aside from the fact that my husband has a ponytail most of the time, I don’t think you should avoid them. Be logical on this man search. You are just shrinking your pool with something that may be a non issue. The whole forever marriage thing means if you fall for and marry a brush cut, there’s no guarantee he wont want to grow long hair at some point. Of course the reverse could also be true, maybe your Prince Charming is sporting a ponytail right now! ;)


  29. My hair can never get too long…if it does, my already gi-normous head looks even bigger than usual. Right now, my hair is the longest it will ever be: long enough on top to flop in my eyes, but definitely not long enough for any type of pony tail type appendage. The only time in life I ever did that was when I had a huge mohawk on top of my head and didn’t feel like doing it so I would tie it in a pony tail for convenience, but that looked even more ridiculous… :)


  30. My son had a boy tail when he was 14. I was one of those mother’s that let their kids dress the way they wanted to and do whatever they wanted to with their hair. I told them both the only prerequisite was that they had to be clean and my daughter couldn’t have her belly button showing. My son had decided he didn’t need to shower but once a week and whatever room my daughter and I were in we wouldn’t let him in unless he showered.
    He got so sick of the whole keeping the hair clean he cut it all off and got a buzz cut which he’s had ever since. He also started taking daily showers so he could come in the living room and watch TV. He even did his own laundry. I think I made him paranoid. Now he’s a clean freak. He is now almost 27.


  31. I’m with Peter Parkour on the broad brush situation. I have things that I don’t like in general….but then I’ll see a guy who totally blows that preference (or lack of) to smithereens. Take for examle, the picture link that Bet Me provided. I don’t normally like man-tails, but that guy is worthy.


  32. Romi, you are right to not like them. Man ponytails just mean the guy has latent hippie tendencies or is in fact a full blown hippie. And everyone knows, hippies are not to be trusted or liked at all.

    And how to man ponytails sound Canadian, Andy?


  33. morethanelectrician: a 2″ max eh? In this case 2 inches is a good thing (LOL), well done hottie

    purefnevyl: something tells me you’re not just talking about soup ala “Campbell’s Tomato” variety…either that or I’m a lot sicker than you, haha…

    Daddy Dan: hahaha…yeah, I AM kind of a man-pony-elitist-bitch aren’t I? I should change for the better, but then I look at those pictures and I’m not exactly inspired to improve

    Andy: do man-tails REALLY sound Canadian?? I’m so ashamed, but based on the Canadian-hockey-mullet, I shouldn’t be too offended…and ya, the 9:1 sounds about right

    javaqueen14:
    OMG the rat-tail is SO on the black-list!!! And ummm..even with your fair regulations, I’m still not getting turned on yet, haha

    Mike: do you mean you made your comment via your Sony PSP? WOW…technology is a wonder…and yo: if there was a pot of gold at the top of that man-rapunzel, I might just go for it

    PS: aww…you’re just a youngin aren’t ya? On the one hand your fresh age of 20 depresses me, but on the other hand I like the variety in reader-demographic

    Red: WHAT…THE…FUCK? An actual man grabbing his tail and sniffing it? (does that sound bad? LOL…) that is frickin’ “dank” as one of my friends says in lieu of “gross”…I never never NEVER want to see that tail-sniffin’ shit.

    teeni: oh yes, a man who is more high-maintenance that me is a BAD scene on multiple levels

    Peter Parkour: case by case indeed, and you seem like a cool chap, so if you’ve rocked the “tail”, maybe it ain’t as bad as all that…nevertheless, I will always carry “travel shears” in my pocket, should the scenario you describe ever transpire

    dobeman: Sean Connery perhaps, but Dennis Hopper? I’m gonna pray that you were being sarcastic…and ya, Papaya/berries can’t take that much wrong and turn it right, but nice try!

    Taoist Biker: oooh, nice pic! Look at you all shirtless and rockstar!! Slowly my mind is being changed bit by bit…the only question I’m left with is whether or not you were “underage” when that pic was snapped…in other words: I wonder if it’s wrong to have impure thoughts about that pic…LOL

    duffboy: the manly-man attack was very surprising indeed; I still have minor “mane-lash” redness on both my cheeks…

    greenie:
    hmmm…a wild and unruly manly-mane…something to consider I guess. And note-to-self: don’t reveal “drought-like” conditions of hoo-ha. Got it. Thanks :-)

    Josh: the “lower” manly-mane? Ohhh, that is just so wrong, no girl needs that kind of imagery. And ya, good call on the Metallica vs. Faggio (I mean Fabio) comparison…and listen: it’s not the groom-factor that bugs me, ’cause like I said the man on the street had a silk-alcious and papaya-fresh ‘do; I just didn’t need that shit whipping me in the face right then and there…and also I thought it was hideous on that particular head, but anyhoo…

    bronsonfive: OMG, OMG, I would SOOOO drop my undies for a dude with the Uncle Jesse-look, but not when it was in the “mullet-phase”, more like the “post-marrying Rebecca/having twins” phase…i.e.:

    betme: I’m with you on the muscular bod, black suit and shades, but accompanying slick man-tail? I don’t know…feels a little too Steven-Seagal-ish…

    kaylee2: ditto that, let’s keep it short and sexy

    lapetiteprincesse: oh crap, I didn’t mean that YOUR comment was careless, I meant that MY comment-reply was careless…sorry if that was unclear. And anyway your comment was anything BUT careless, it was more like “deeply rooted in evil”, since it set off this chain of events


  34. Matt: thank you for carrying some of the horror-burden of papaya-smelling man-tails…it means a lot.

    Simonne: I write these posts in my little vacuum of life, but when they bring about these revelations from you, I love it! Like you don’t even know how much your apparent “hairy/long hair” fetish makes me laugh, but okay, okay, you’ve turned your back on them, and even if you hadn’t, you crack me up too much for me to not love you!

    PS: umm yeah, of course those are unbiased pictures, what do you take me for?

    David: the First Amendment does allow for ponytails, but it also allows for chicks to wear jeans that are way too tight and low-rise, thus creating the “muffin top” effect…in conclusion the First Amendment has a lot of explaining to do…but, BUT, having encountered 3 or 4 readers in this thread who used to have man-tails, and readers who I hold in high regard, perhaps…PERHAPS I’m being a tad judgmental…perhaps

    Nigel: it’s funny that you say you love ponytails on chicks…I almost ALWAYS refuse to wear ponytails in public, because I’m self-conscious about my left-ear sticking out more than my right one (this is a fact)…I have however worn a quasi-ponytail to work a couple times, except it had wisps of hair coming out of each side, so as to cover up my “freak ear” as much as possible…*sigh*..baby-steps, baby-steps…

    dontdatethatdude: short and sweet, thanks for your input..should we confiscate rubber bands from the hands of every boy, man, and grandpa in the land?

    betme: WTF…are you being sarcastic? LOL..maybe he’s just not my type

    greenie: I KNOW RIGHT? I already tried to scold him, but I think you’ll be able to influence him more than I

    purefnevyl: suddenly I’m picturing men with horse-butts at the napes of their necks, hahaha

    queenbitch: my dad has a man-perm and I let him be because he’s my dad, so there you go

    PS: I’ve never thought about a guy with dreads before…hmm…interesting..thanks for your input as always :-)

    May: what you said right there, that is the most concerning thing for me…chicks on desperate man-hunts should NOT get hung up on man-tails or no man-tails..I think it’s something that can be remedied by some shock-exposure therapy, like you know, maybe I should join an aerobics class that’s exclusively men with man-tails…3 times a week of THAT, and I should be A-OK :-)

    glassowater: I’m sure your head is not as gi-normous as all that, but anyway I think you should bring back your mohawk

    joanharvest: you’re a very clever mama, ’cause your rules were reasonable, and it seems like via this reasonableness you turned your son into a guy who’ll be a big help around the house

    Allison: again…as I asked Betme: seriously??? That guy does it for you? I must have an aversion to soccer players…but anyway I know what you mean: this is why if someone asks me “my type” I never have an answer; I’ve fallen for muscular dudes, goofy/lanky dudes, dark-haired dudes, light-haired dudes…there is no one type because “the person” makes the man…maybe it’s just that I haven’t met a man-tailed dude who’s knocked my socks off yet…needless to say, I have to try my best to cast the WIDER net vs. the narrow-minded one, thanks

    Kerplar: welcome; I’ve seen you at City Pictures . And ya, have I ever met a hippie that I trusted? Hahaha…they’re sneaky and calculating…LOL…

    And re: Andy: I can’t speak for him, but I think they feel Canadian for him since Canadians rock weird hairstyles like mullets, but who knows what he actually meant, haha….


  35. I’m late to the party here, but whatevs. Mantails are wrong. They’re always so greasy and yech. They always look knotty and for some reason, the guy always has wavy hair.

    Though this is coming from a girl who, in her teenaged years, was hardcore in love with Hanson, who rocked THREE mantails.
    I don’t know either….


  36. I was 20 when that pic was taken, actually. Just skinny. Unfortunately, that pic is 14 years old. ;)


  37. wow, so much wisdom on this subject. I think if I was in love with a guy who had a man ponytail, I might “accidentally” cut it off while he was sleeping.


  38. ROMI – If I could find a way to make a living as an artist or in the music biz, I would so be rocking the goofy locks… :)
    But kinda hard to do finance, billing and titles at a car dealership if I had a mohawk of any shape or size..Ford is not hip to the funky hair thing…or piercings…or tattoos…oh, if I had the freedom, I would be covered in ink…but thats another story….


  39. BFF!!

    well, it’s nice to hear your side of the “Man-tail” debate. I for one, second your opinion, unless they have the scraggly beard and beer belly. then that’s totally fucking hot and i gots to get me some of that filthy J mcnasty harley action!


  40. talea: you are so right about the incidence in wavy hair regarding man-tails…I’m not sure if flat-ironed man-tails would make it more right, but I really don’t want to explore that thought any further….

    Taoist Biker: 20? Okay, I can handle that, nothing illegal going on then, with regards to me lovin’ up on it (…what??? ;-) )

    sweetiegirlz: hahaha…I would also make a play for the “accidental snippage” ;-)

    glassowater: I’d be MORE likely to buy a car from Ford if they were supportive of cool-looking dudes with mohawks and tatts ;-)

    BFF: I knew you were a wild one who likes some good action ala harley :-)…does this relate to a past experience or simply an aspiration? ;-)


  41. I especially hate the man pony that’s a part of the half-up, half-down hair style, you know? It’s not ok at all.


  42. I personaly think that a ponytail works pretty well if the guy has the head for it. Personaly I prefer man with long hair aslong as he takes good care of it and washes it on a regular basis. Historical fact: There has never been an era were man did not have long hair so why should man stop having long hair now? and should girls cut there hair aswell? In my oppinion it is a big NO. Why I do dislike about long male hair is that some guys wear it in a girly fashion because that just looks awkward.



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