You Called Me WHAT?

It sure isn’t easy browsing through the dumpster of possible mates…chances are you’ll end up dirty, tired and diseased for your efforts.

Luckily we’ve got the help of well-meaning friends to ease the load.

I was fortunate enough to have such a friend assist me.  It was her “after work” outing, and I was invited.  There’d be guys, she exclaimed, a whole lotta guys.  And the best part?  She already knew them.

In other words, the pre-screening work was done!

…Things were going well after hour number one.  My extroverted ways had hooked in a man with a dashing smile and manly scent.

Let’s do this.

We went to the bar to get another drink, and that’s when it happened:

“Don’t worry babygirl, I got this one”.

My loins went from heated setting “5″ to refrigerator cold.

So what had done it?  A simple little word like “babygirl”?

Yes.

Who says that anyway?  And what does it mean?  I already know I’m a girl, so are you saying I remind you of a baby?  Ya?…Is that it?  Well then it’s weird, because the last time I checked, I wasn’t shitting in a diaper or suckling a teat.

And that’s not the only “are you serious?” pet name that I’ve heard.  What about pooh-bear?  I mean it’s cute on paper, but audio-wise?  All I imagine is a bear smeared with feces, and I don’t like that.

I wish we could focus on flattering pet-names, like ones that are related to our physical attributes.  I would love it if someone called me “sweet ass” all the time.  Or “velvet-boobs”.

Until then, I guess I’ll just keep messing up my chances over pet names.  That’s fine with me, but here’s a warning: if I’m still single when I’m 85, don’t even start with the “babygirl” crap, ’cause if you do…I will smear you with my pooey adult-diaper.