RED ALERT On The Husband Search…
September 3, 2008
I’m just a single girl in a messy world, looking for a little bit of lovin’.
That’s a big enough challenge, but my spicy (Indian) roots call for a little more work. This falls in the realm of fending off my parents, who live and breathe the arranged-marriage dream.
There are ups and downs of course (see here), but at the moment I’m free and frisky. What impedes my freedom are those ugly parental triggers, those syrupy tales of “arranged marriage” bliss. These are the stories that screw me over, and goodness gracious, I just uncovered a fresh one…
…It started as a couple of brownish girls, living in a “westernized world” (i.e. one foot in the curry, another one in the vodka). We were the Sisterhood of Travelling Saris, and together we would find our men, just like the white chicks do!
A strong allegiance no doubt, but as in most female friendships, we (she) flipped on the bitch-switch and it was over. I hadn’t thought of her in years.
And then, in true (awkward) Facebook form, she added me as a “friend”.
That’s when the truth came out: she’s married to a brown dude who looks like her horny uncle…and she has a baby.
Uhhhh…
Now it’s not that I don’t feel happy for her…no wait, I don’t. I don’t feel happy for her because she’s screwing me over. It’s that wondrous “Indian Ending” she scored…she’s making me look bad. For this reason alone, she is dead to me. So are you listening? I want nothing to do with your drooly kid or your thick-haired mocha husband.
So she’s out, but there is always the chance that my parents will see the pics (they used to be friends with her parents, and they know how to use the Internet…a deadly combo). All I know is that if mother sees the pics, the “baby” conversation will drive me insane. I mean really, how many times can your mom say your eggs are old? Do I need a certificate that states they haven’t fossilized? *sigh*…And did I mention I’m 27? It’s true, but much like canine years, Indian age increases exponentially (right now I am 63).
So what I need is a new Indian friend. Someone I can compare myself against. Maybe a Punjabi crack-whore-chick…is there a number I can call to rent one? (men, I am looking in your direction)…
I wish I could help you. All the crack whores I rent are European.
there aren’t too many brown dudes in kentucky.
I sorry.
Wow, Romi, I can sense some anger in your post. I’ve never seen that before from you, Girl!
This arranged marriage business (for you) must come to an end, and I hope all your other readers are with me on this! There’s no way your horny uncle husband is going to let you continue your blog, and that would just be a tragedy for us.
Holy hell, you ARE old in Indian years!! Muah-ha-ha! Shit I’m 38, thank goodness I’m married or I’d have one foot on the grave and the other on a banana peel. “flipped on the bitch-switch and it was over” – - this is such a true statement! Women. I’ve had my share that flipped on the bitch-switch. Good thing I’m a bigger bitch than most. Mess with the bull, ya gonna get the horns – you rock Romi!
Romi, there is no way you could be in an arranged marriage. You are sooooooooooo NOT cookie cutter. Not happening.
You have my email dontcha? Drop a liner, and i’ll swamp you with enough date potentials to keep churning out the hilarious material we’ve all come to expect. And if you’re really nice, i’ll even hook you up with someone who’ll restore your faith in the male of the species.
Consider it my donation to the cause!
It’s okay to be bitter! Screw that happily baby-pumped ex-friend and her smooshy faced kid. But don’t worry, things can change overnight! You could bump into him tomorrow and be picking out your invitations next fall, so whatevs.
There aren’t pale, green eyed, blondish brownish haired Indian guys are there? Because if there are I can fake it!
Well if you are 63 in Indian years I would be a ghost. I could never imagine you in an arranged marriage. I think you would put your arranged partner over the edge very quickly. He’d be running back to India because you would be way too cool for him. You have to find someone who understands and appreciates your great sense of humor.
I’m reading your comments and I come across one that says “Good thing I’m a bigger bitch than most. Mess with the bull, ya gonna get the horns” Then I see it’s JavaQueen. That is so her. I love my JQ. Listen to her you are not cookie cutter for sure.
Love you Romi!!!
No can do. Naturally blonde, sorry.
On the other hand, if you want to go the opposite route and have a fake-arranged-marriage-suitor who is significantly older and also significantly caucasian, I could help ya out.
Punjabi crack-whore? Sorry, fresh out. Might I interest you in a So Cal gutter-slut?
Sorry, all my crack whore contacts are here in New Zealand, how about you downgrade to a slutty alchoholic? I’m sure there are tons of those around, and they work for nothing but a few shots of your cheapest liquor!
I’m not sure I understand. Does the Punjabi crack-whore have to resemble your uncle-loving former friend? I’m not sure she’d would be a dead-on match, but I could probably hook you up with a hillbilly chick with an impressive farmer’s tan.
I don’t know if I’m crack-whore material, but… would you be interested in an artist/journalist/creative writer/blogger/cat owner/guatemalan dude? If so… send me a plane ticket and we’ll figure things as we go along!
At 27, you’re still a pup. Don’t sweat it.
Maybe a Punjabi crack-whore
….hmmm I am not sure but I’d hope there are plenty of those in Dubai. I was always apprehensive about approaching them. But now with the right motivation, I think I can do it. Do you dig?!
I have a “brown” fried that I lovingly refer to, not coincidentally as, “Oh brown one.” His lifestyle reminds me of any of the Harry and Kumar do so and so movies. But sorry, he too is trying it “on his own” so to speak. ‘Cept, he’s found himself a doctor. Only problem is, his family thinks the marriage is great; hers thinks she’ll be marrying down. So, while they found each other without the help of any arrangement, tradition is still getting in the way.
It’s the oddest friggin’ thing! I don’t envy you Romi!
27 is NOT old. My wife had her first child at age 30 and her second at age 33, so you’ve got several great years ahead of you!
Romi – Heh. Sometimes I feel like I’m a male version of…well…you. Try being brown, single and 34 (which in human years makes me like…850 yrs old). My parents even tried to get me onto this wierd indian lavalife type site, which sucked ass. anyhoo, keep at it romi. like you, i’m convinced that random dating will pay off. someday. [bursts into uncontrollable sobbing]
Girl, go pick up “The Hindi Bindi” club. Even watch “Bend it Like Beckham.” If those fictional parents can deal with their daughters being “different” then so can yours.
To hell with society. I’m never having a baby (Awe …) but at least I got stepkids.
You do whatever you want, and tell your mamma to simmer down if she brings up the baby conversation.
I’m 100% for this theory that arranged marriages are total bull shit that fuck over women. It’s a bad idea, and don’t do it, you will wind up with an old ugly man who probably whoops your ass with an iron if you don’t make his curry flakes just right in the morning, or whatever Indian people eat for breakfast. You don’t want to be a servant and a sex slave for some creepy old man, fuck that. Just don’t fall for that bull shit, I’m telling you, it’s a bad idea. Very bad.
Also, sorry for insulting the core beliefs of your heritage, that’s just how I feel. Good luck finding a man. Pick a white guy, that’s all I’m saying. We rock. Or at least I do.
Just give up Chick become a lesbiam or something your luck will change. You know it makes sense.
Punjabi crack whore? Miss Romi, the last time I got involved with one of those, I lost my savings, my credit rating and my dignity.
She did leave me with an awesome Chicken Tandoori recipe though…
Better you find a crystal-meth-addicted cycle slut to partner with. You might at least get a cool ride on a Harley (to tell us ALL about ya know…and of course THAT is the most important thing)
I think you should just go with the arranged marriage. I’m dying to know how many goats your parents would get for you. They do get livestock or something I hope.
‘Bout time you found someone Chick.
Maleesha: Yes I’ve always heard that the European crack whores are the best
Red: don’t be sorry, I am SO on board with the whities! LOL…
Daddy Dan: haha, I know, usually I am a happy-go-lucky-chick who’s just a little desperate…what happened?
PS: you are SO right…an arranged-marriage man would totally hinder my creativity and also cancel our Internet service…I need freedom!
Javaqueen: hahahaha…I admire your bitch-switch and I would NEVERRR mess with you
PS: shit…I am old aren’t I???…
Joe: WHAT!?! You’re hoarding all this date-potential??? And I still have faith in the species, I really REALLY do, but I like my optimism with a zesty cynical twist
Emerald: I would love to be picking out invitations next fall, which of course would mean fighting with my parents for 5 days until finally convincing them that i don’t want the big gawdy gold-embossed Indian-extravaganza invitations…lol
Billy: oh if I could fake you into an Indian dude, I would be one happy chick….we might have to dye your hair though
joanharvest: you are so sweet, I love you too! And yeah, I can see that I might be too much for a cardboard arranged dude, I just have to convince my parents that having a sense of humour is of any value at all..lol..
Taoist Biker: I haven’t ruled out significantly older and significantly caucasian…I’ll let you know…
Peter Parkour: “So Cal Gutter slut?”…LMAO…ya, that might work, why don’t you pick one up and we’ll go from there??
leafprobably: actually I’m sure there are Indian slutty alcoholics..I’m pretty sure I almost was one…lol
middleoftheroad: haha…I love these different options. I’m going to put hillbilly with impressive farmer’s tan right after Peter’s “So Cal gutter slut” on my list, okay?
duffboy: that is quite the description! Try fitting that on a business card first and then we’ll talk
Pure Evyl: pup my ass, I’m like one of those dogs that goes blind starts pooping in the house…lol
dubaijazz: yes I dig, I hope you find the crack-whore of your dreams!
dobeman: oh my gosh, can you start calling me “oh brown one?”
PS: thanks for the uplifting info on the baby-making front, my uterus is smiling at you right now (is that awkward?
)
Red Canuck: 850 years old? Are you sure YOU haven’t fossilized? LOL, just joking. Well if you’re a doctor, I’m sure you have a lot of options, just try to pimp that and your cool personality as much as you can!
(and shit, ya, I know that uncontrollably-sobby feeling…)
girlfromtheghetto: but I did watch “Bend it like Beckham”, and do you remember the ending? She STILL hid her hot white scottish dude from her parents…sigh…
PS: but you’re right, they need to simmer down now!
Josh: hahaha, you weren’t insulting at all! And I don’t agree that these should be the core beliefs of any heritage, how about being a good person and eating good tasting curry? Those are the only beliefs I need, now bring on the white dudes!
(LOL…)
Master: yes, yes, I have thought about this lesbianism thing…I think it’s the next step (and yes, I KNOW it’s about time!! Stop making me feel even older would ya? haha…but I still like you I guess
…)
Nigel: mmm…chicken tandoori rules! And I will search for that crystal meth addict and harley ride, it’s all for good blog material!
karmental: yes, goat is usually the livestock of choice, and if I’m not good for at least double digits, I’ll be sad
I don’t know if its the id that gave it away, but if your previous response is an indicator of what I think you have tracked down, then i’m filled with the shame that comes of being a closet peep’er who’s been caught in the act. Needless to say, if you have indeed figured it out, i’m appalled by your curiosity! Excited too, but mostly appalled at how lousy a cover I possess for a so called secret admirer!
Riddles aside, if old wine (in light of granny lovin) is indeed your cuppa, then there’s a bar round the corner that might be up your alley!
My daughter is 34 and finally found the guy of her dreams. I do not talk about babies to her, though, that is her business not mine.
Romi- you are hysterical.
I totally get it though, once you hit your late 20’s and not married it’s as though you are trying ot kill your parents (I’m Israeli/ Jewish and its pretty much the same).
I just happen to have married young at 24, and now have twins- at the age of 27- but if I hadent found my husband, I would have been glad to be single and raise my hand in the air in solidarity with you.
You crack me up! You absolutely MUST try your hand at a novel! Hilarous and endearing, a winning combo!
Joe: hahaha…you give me way too much credit as I am not as clever as all that…in other words I have no idea who you are, so have fun!
Karen: hello, thanks for the visit, and I’m really happy for your daughter (and it’s nice of you not to bring that baby-thing up
)
geminigirl64: you are 27 and you have twins? Get the fuck out.
…lol, I kid, I kid, congratulations on your lovely family And it’s nice to know that if things had ended up differently, you’d be fighting right along side me
HEY EVERYONE:…let’s all stare at Monica for a minute, because SHE’s the author of the “Hindi Bindi Club”!…yup, click on the link to her name if you don’t believe me…
ANYHOO…your words of encouragement have sunk in deep..I don’t know how you found my blog, but I look foward to reading your book as per “girl from the ghetto’s” suggestion
Thank you!