How To “Pick Up”: Museum Edition
October 15, 2008
I’d been going on about it for a while, and last week I finally did it: I went to the museum to look for men!
Now let me clearly state that my visit wasn’t a chore, as I am all about the history books and “Learning Channel” Specials.
So to have that natural interest, plus the possibility of meeting an intelligent dude? Needless to say I was foaming at the mouth!
…Having always been a fan of the naked man sculptures, that’s where I started off. It was just the right amount of exposed genitalia to get the juices flowing, you know what I mean?
As I moved my way through Japan, I noticed a man snapping pics on his camera phone. This must’ve meant that he was moved by what he saw, which automatically meant that he was deep (score!).
It was time to have a chat, but just as I shimmied my way over, I found myself overcome by the Buddhist
statues. It was one after the other, each more magnificent than the last…what a treat! From there I really started to immerse myself in the historical surroundings. This meant a lot of things, up to and including touching things I wasn’t supposed to touch (sorry for being unruly Mr. Security Guard with toxic body-odour, would you like a free bar of Irish Spring?), right up to getting frightened by Ancient Chinese Burial Gods.
And then, I arrived at my very own heaven-on-earth: The Ancient Egyptian section. By now euphoria had ensued, as all the pages of my Ancient Egypt nerd-books came to life; I saw mummies, I saw sarcophagi, I even saw a creepy mannequin or two…it was heaven I say!
Of course, this orgasm for my brain had an adverse affect on my mission to find a man, meaning that…I forgot to find a man!
That’s correct dear readers, I failed the mission, in fact I failed it so poorly that I even forgot to look! There were so many aisles where I could’ve been “fake admiring” Art whilst wiggling my bottom…how did I let it slip?
This is the part where I should feel disappointed, and potentially punch myself in the vagina. But no. I am not disappointed. I had a fantastic time getting up close and personal with my mind; it was long overdue.
So maybe there’s more to life than just a constant hunger for love; maybe the mind needs some feeding too…wait, did I seriously just say that?
I think that I have fallen in love with the creepy Egyption Mannequin. But you will always be first in my heart.
Clearly, your vagina is a bookworm. A museum was enough to send it off track, even when surrounded by other cultured, bookwormy men. You should have a stern talking-to to it. However, I think you might also want to get your ovaries involved, they tend to have a louder voice…..so I hear. Mine appear to be mute.
it’s hard to pick up a guy in random settings! today i was at the grocery store and there was a cute guy that i tried to saddle up to. we slowly crept closer and closer to each other in the baked goods aisle, about to reach for the same bag of cookies…but then his (slutty) girlfriend came up and started peeing all over her territory, asking him loudly “do you just want to eat what we have at home, honey?” while shooting me death stares. love the site, keep it coming!
Well well well…it appears that you have stumbled upon something here. Perhaps you can use this to your advantage. Take your ass back to the art gallery and continue to admire the art. If you are looking for an intellectual individual that admires the arts, then you will most likely have to do more than “fake admire”. Your accidental love for the arts could be a blessing in disguise. So as you enjoy the art…the intellectual, nerdy art boy will be admiring your booty from afar. Similar interests is what its all about. Enjoy!!
I always wondered, “How big was Buddha’s thingy?”
I mean, they say fat guys thingies look really tiny cuz of all the fat, but I mean, if you’re gonna create a GOD, create a GOD!
Am I right? Am I right?
Also, for other fun things to do in a museum, might I recommend, “LA Story” by Steve Martin.
punch myself in the vagina.
You are hilarious!
So, you decided to pass on the aromatic security guard?
The second time in a museum (in a short time period) is always less interesting than the first, and now that you’re been through it and checked out the exhibits you can hit it for a second time, and focus on prowling for man candy.
The punch in the vagina comment made me spit coffee out of my nose btw.
The King Tut exhibit is in Dallas right now and I can’t WAIT to see it. The Hatshepsut exhibit was amazing!
I have just about given up on my quest for love. I think I will get a cat and just keep reading about vampires.
Hahaha, bookworm vagina. I lub you Talea. And no you didn’t fail Romi! Keep going! To the museum that is, because clearly you love it, and clearly love is only going to come along and scare the crap out of you when you least expect some handsome dashing stranger to wander out from behind some Egyptian King. Feed your vagina-brain!
The museum is a great place darnit! I used to volunteer at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston but my volunteership was a front for meeting young impressionable art school women…
For two years, I would work the help desk and help with tours and such, one of the few times in my life where I have put my art history background to any use at all….
I gave many “personal tours” during those two years…
You’re awesome, Romi.
Love the picture too.
LOL. I guess your mind did need some feeding. I’m glad you enjoyed the museum so much that you temporarily forget your life’s mission.
Ooooo…go back, Romi, go back. On a return trip, you will be able to truly focus on your manhunt…as well as be able to enlighten them on mummies and such…I’m getting a Charlotte from SATC vibe about the whole thing.
I love the smell of Irish Spring…so much better than toxic b.o.
Brainy women who like museums are hot stuff – I bet you got checked out plenty (awesome picture by the way!).
There are probably heart-sick men out there haunting the Ancient Egyptian wing waiting for another glimpse of you and your bottom. Go back and strut your stuff!
You didn’t grab that mummy’s package, did you?
I’ve got an award for you at my place – hope you will accept it. http://leafprobably.com/2008/10/18/leaf-probably-now-with-award-winning-goodness/
wow! yeah, sometimes stimulation of the brain cells can be helpful….hell, after work my brain cells are dead (I work @ Wal-Mart now) so yeah…
Irish Spring bar, lol! You are so funny. I remember the single days, of being over 30 and not having a husband. Its rough, but honestly, why? Because everyone else pressures you to get married? There are pluses to being single and being married. Enjoy it. When I stopped looking, I found my husband. And the day I met him (At a football tailgate, no less) I thought here is someone I could marry.
Yay Romi, how smart of you to go on a brain-enriching expedition. I’m sure your vagina will be all the happier for it, since the brain is the chief sex organ anyway, right?
Totally what Emerald, Talea, and glassowater say. And ghettogirl too. You could build an encyclopedia with the brilliant advice you’re getting from all your readers!
Pure Evyl: I was just about to scorn your Egyptian mannequin love, but if I’m still first, then oh, okay, have fun with that
Talea: ya, who knew that my vagina was a treacherous bookworm? Well I hope it had fun learnin’ it up, ’cause I’m pretty sure it also lived another weekend without a date (loser vagina!!..lol)
daretodate: hey thanks for visiting, and I too have tried the grocery store thing; I’m learning that it’s hard to construct these moments, and YES..those girlfriends seem to pop up out of nowhere! :-S …
Justin: I would love to find a nerdy boy who was also into the ancient artifacts…I guess as long as I contribute my booty and he contributes a horny drooly stare, we could be on our way…lol
dobeman: hahaha…you are a FREAK!
It didn’t ever occur to me if Buddha should or shouldn’t have a big “thingy”, but yes I suppose it should be a part of the divine package…hmm…and no I haven’t seen “LA story”, thanks for the recommend! 
Adam: the aromatic security guard and I just didn’t have that initial chemistry…I can’t figure out why that was…haha…
Black Coffee & Bourbon: I’m sorry you spit coffee out of your nose due to my abusive vagina comment…hope you didn’t burn yourself
PS: I am for sure going back, so I’ll be more focused next time!
Lucky: a King Tut AND a Hatshepsut exhibit??? That sounds amazing, and the one thing I hope for the future of our museum is that they bring in more Ancient Egyptian exhibits, as the regular collection is just too small for me!
Emerald: that is great advice (thanks!), and I would definitely want to find someone who knew from the start that I was a nerd, and a little odd, and a little crazy, but also wannabe slutty-ish…the museum could probably reveal a lot of these traits, which is why I’m so glad I bought a membership…lol…now I can go back for free any time!
glassowater: oooh…you gave many “personal tours” to impressionable art-student girls..?? Hmm…are you telling me you were an Art Gallery man-slut? hahaha…
kaylee2: hey you, hope you’re doing well!
Red: what? Who me? No I’d have to say that you’re awesome, and as for the pic, SOMETIMES the angles work in my favour, hahaha
teeni: oh ya, my mind was on a big ol’ feeding frenzy! Clearly I am incapable of multi-tasking, hahaha…
Allison: Lathering it up with Irish Spring is a fantastic way to get me all hot and bothered, hahaha…and oooh: I LOVE the Charlotte from SATC comparison! She was always the one I connected with most on that show, and with my shiny new museum membership (wow, I am so cool, lol), I will definitely be back!
rambleicious: thanks, and I don’t know about getting checked out, but hopefully someone took note of my appearance and will try to stalk me…lol (joking!)
PS: I’m pretty sure there are mummies haunting that wing, but if there are real live men there too, then hey, I’ll be back!
Nigel: hahaha…I’d be afraid to touch the mummy’s package, as if I did it would probably diffuse into dust or something (I tend to have that effect on “packages”…lol…what!??!?
)
leafprobably: that was an awesome award, thanks!
Mike: I feel your pain on the deadened brain cells thing; I worked at Zellers (think Canadian version of K-Mart or Target) for four years as I tried to pay my way through school; needless to say there was very little brain cells left for use on my actual courses and exams! lol…
girlfromtheghetto: it’s really encouraging to hear that, especially as I near the end of the year and haven’t found anyone yet (NOT that I am giving up! lol…
)
David: oh right…I forgot that the brain was involved in sex things….lol…though there wasn’t any sexi-ified brain action happening on that day!
PS: I know, all this advice is golden, and it would make a hell of a guide! (I just need to follow it a little better, haha…)
Romi- Yes, Yes I am an Art Gallery Man Slut, leading astray impressionable art students…
In the museum of Fine Arts in Boston, there is a re-production of a buddhist temple – very dark, very private…
I think that yours is a question that is both universal and valid: I tend to ask myself from time to time, would this book, movie or other art form could be as satisfying as a girl’s lips, tongue or other moist/warm body part? This may be a sign of us growing up, Romi… it’s terrifying!