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Indian Party Time, Comin’ Right Up!

November 20, 2008

indian-sweetsSo here I am, three sleeps away from the event of the century.  Well actually the “official” event of the century will be my sister’s July wedding, but the first-runner up is Saturday’s engagement party.

Judging by the bustle in the house, the relatives who’ll fly in (and stay with us all weekend…and dirty up the bathrooms…sigh), you would think it was the engagement of a Bollywood Princess.  Well a Bollywood Princess my sister is not, but because she is forever the “first daughter”, the entire world is already up in arms for the occasion (which may I remind you, is a party hosted in our humble home).

As sister of the future bride, I’m not exactly feeling the grandeur of it all.  Instead I’m busy grappling with a personal issue…like the one that relates to my fancy Indian dress…

…I decided on the green and gold Indian dress last month.  It came from a pile of dresses that my mother had brought from India during a visit.

So when picking it out a month ago, so dazzled I was by the golden flecks, that I neglected to actually try the thing on.  I know that sounds a little Grade-A stupid, but the dress had been tailored to fit my measurements. 

So why is the thing so friggin’ tight (and in all the wrong places)?

And speaking of measurements, they were taken from a “previous me”, who was ten pounds heavier at the time.

So again; why is it so friggin’ tight?!?!?!

I suppose it’s the bias of the Indian tailors.  Like I’ve been to India twice, and most of the girls have those spindly figures characterized by “light village eating”.  The tailor must have thought that my numbers were a joke, and thusly corrected them to Indian-Barbie size.

Which is why I’ll be turning to the laxatives now (how much can you “expel” in two short days?  Come on colon, don’t let me down…).

As I await the inevitable laxative response, let me end with a final thought:

-Part of me wants to look ugly for the occasion, and part of me does not.  If I jack up the “ugly vibe”, no weird uncles or second cousins will leer…but what will become of my ego?  If I look all hot on the other hand, my ego will feel like a kid at a candy store, but can I stand the potential harrassment?

I liken this conundrum to a child being told: “You can have all the candy you want, just go on over to the man in the windowless van”

So where’s the van?…

PS: If I make it out alive from this weekend, I will share some tales in true explotative form (but the jury’s still out on whether I’ll share a picture…)

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22 comments

  1. Whaddaya mean no picture? You’ve told us things like how you pooped in your pants but no picture? Oh, wait. Maybe THAT’s why no picture. LOL. Seriously, you do what you are comfortable with but I’d love to see the green and gold dress – it sounds so very pretty and like it would look fantastic on you!


  2. oH, there must be a picture of said Indian Barbie dress… I’m counting on it just like you are counting on your colon ;) You are hilarious. Eat, drink, look hot, and be merry! You’ll have a great time- !!!!


  3. Whoa! The heat is really gonna get turn up on you now.


  4. I think a colon thing wud work faster. The thing where the shove a tube up ur butt and then flush water up there? yeah that would work faster than the laxitives.

    I agree we must see a pic. :)


  5. haha! good luck. new blog post! visit mine, maybe your thoughts on my previous post too? whatever you decide to do. Also, could you perhaps reccomend another satirical wordpress blog i could read since i <3 yours so much? plz n thx =D


  6. “Part of me wants to look ugly for the occasion, and part of me does not…”

    This conundrum is endemic to women, in my view. I have it most times that I decide to go out in public where there will be men.


  7. I say post a picture! I hope you go and have a good time. Make the best of a weird situation right…or just drink to numb the whole ordeal….you are allowed to do that at your Sister’s engagement party right…?


  8. sucks that your sari has been indian barbie sized. i head that eating leek soup (water with boiled leeks in it, that’s it) will help you drop some quick pounds as it is a diaretic (sp?).

    when in awkward social situations i second sammy25′s suggestion of getting your drink on. maybe some of your inlaws to be will bring some hot friends and it will be go time. one can hope right?


  9. Two points:

    1. It’d take a LOT of work for you to make yourself look ugly. Is it even possible?

    2. You had BETTER share a picture with us!


  10. Good luck on staying away from the crazy Uncles.


  11. I would say, try to boost the ego. BUT make sure not to have a repeat of your childhood experience, with inappropriate pooping in large crowds.


  12. “…dirty up the bathroom…”

    HA! On our wedding day, CareerMom had to plunge out the toilet at her parents house that her SIL had plugged up.

    NICE!


  13. I’ll be hopin’ for your survival…preferably with funny stories to tell that don’t feature YOU in the most-embarrassed-person role. (Everyone else there is fair game.)


  14. Oh my Krishna(? this is thrilling! I can’t wait to read about this event. And what laxatives are you using? I have yet to find any that don’t cause stomach cramps, but I need to lose about 5 pounds.


  15. Having had a Colonoscopy, I recommend using the same stuff people take when they go through the cleansing process. Sure, you will sit on a toilet for 7 hours and your butthole will feel on fire, but you will lose the weight. You can actualy feel the stuff moving thru you like its Draino, lol! I think the stuff is called Phosphate soda? You can buy it at Meijers for sure.

    I once had a bridesmaid dress made by hand, and it was lose everywhere on me, it was just an eyesore. Even though it was your opposite problem, I understand your pain. How f-ing hard is it to screw up measurements if tailoring is your living!!!


  16. Hmmmm…you really do have a predicament. Instead of laxatives, is there a way you can just choose another outfit? You may end up avoiding the creepy harassment anyhow, if you o.d. on the laxatives and end up spending the entire day in the bathroom. I am really looking forwarf to reading your post about the party though. Enjoy it…

    p.s.- get ready to be asked by every family member “When you are getting engaged like your sister?”


  17. what’s with the sudden fear of death around me? :) of course you will make it and be still alive when the party is over. the question is “how alive?” well, you know i am actually getting ready to get my wedding dress altered cause i bought it in may and god knows i had 8 pounds more in may…haha. this is going to be interesting. BUT there is still time to gain some pounds (thanksgiving and christmas…) and then i might be in trouble in january…but oh well, i could suffer if you have to suffer. :) i hope you are having a great party and a cleaning lady to take care of the dirty bathrooms. hehe. hugs


  18. Miss Romi,

    Just resign yourself to the fact that you ARE going to look hot.

    Even if you have a few inaccuracies with your attempted purge, and your sari bunches in all of the wrong (right!) places, you cannot help being a smokin’ hottie.


  19. Thank you all for your encouragement and luck, as well as for your faith in my inability to look ugly…haha :-) . Well I survived and it was pretty interesting, so I’ll be back in a flash with that….


  20. [...] Of The Chick « Indian Party Time, Comin’ Right Up! Indian Engagement: Post-Game Report November 23, 2008 My sister’s official [...]


  21. I do hope you will fit into your dress by Saturday. Be yourself, and don’t worry about the rest of it.


  22. Indian food is great. I should eat at Indian restaurants more often.



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