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Hiding From “Arranged” Outcomes…

December 3, 2008

indian-barbieI thought that my sister’s engagement party had gone well enough (no sexual harrassment, plenty of samosas had), but little did I know that I was being tracked, in a “meat market” kind of way. 

In the latest pursuit, there was an eligible male at the party.  I guess I caught his eye, so his sister told his aunt, who told a matchmaking granny, who told my mom’s friend, who told the newspaper boy (we got off track for a sec), who told a six-year-old, who told my mom.

Or something like that.

It was almost like a game of broken telephone, when you consider all the various filters.  And by the time the “man tip” (huh?) finally reached my mom, she was setting me up with a goat-boy who lives up the hill and sells insurance.  Or maybe it was a 30-year-old network engineer, who’s six feet tall and very well-mannered.

So I guess this means I should marry him (???).  No of course not silly, Indians aren’t that crazy! I should only meet him over tea with the families present.  Then we’ll be allowed to date for an hour.  Seven to ten days later, a proposal will come via telephone.

(I’m already squealing with excitement…can you hear me from my cage?)

So when is the date for this loaded cup of tea?

Well, I’m not sure, because I’m currently unavailable.  You see I’ll be “engaged” in some weekend volunteering (best excuse…ever).  At the time I was only doing it to improve my image, but now it has a purpose!

Volunteering or not, I must avoid families and tea at all costs.  Especially when my mind is so consumed with “the guy”.

Oh yes, “the guy”where did I land on that again?  Well I’m not sure, but something tells me it’s time for some Seduction-101 (…does anyone have a manual I can borrow?)

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18 comments

  1. …it’s time for some Seduction-101 (…does anyone have a manual I can borrow?)

    Miss Romi, you don’t need to borrow a manual…you wrote the syllabus for that class.

    (See…Flannel PJs…YOW!)


  2. My bro went on one of these “teas” (no double entendre intended). I’ve managed to avoid them, but only because I don’t live with my folks in T-dot anymore. Although, I am going back for the holidays, so hopefully they’re not cooking something up.

    By the way, what are you volunteering for?


  3. If he’s the network engineer and not the goat boy, I think you should agree to the tea…or is that just opening a door that grannies and sisters will never let you close?


  4. lol i will be going for a marriage in a few weeks and since I haven’t seen any indian marriages, it would be interesting to see how the whole thing unfolds..
    oh and goodluck!


  5. I think it is pretty humorous how all Indian families folow the same procedure when it comes to a possible “hook up” situation. Why can’t people just talk to each other? The family meetings and the informal proposal are also a bit uncomfortable, why can’t indians propose like we do here in America…like at a theme park or arby’s? Classy! Yeah, keep away from that shit! As far as “The Guy” goes, I think you should be all set with the seduction. I hope you are still using the combination of lip balm, the milk trick and the “form fitting sweater”. Good luck and don’t get tricked into the goat-boy meeting. Sneaky Indians!!


  6. Shit girl, you wrote that manual and you know it!


  7. I apologize, but I am ignoring this whole post in favor of saying OMG THERE ACTUALLY IS AN INDIAN BARBIE?? Who, by the way, looks decidedly Caucasian to me.


  8. I have a cookie recipe that would throw the whole tea party into a frenzy…


  9. Please stay away from the tea…listen if you need a man to come and break that shit up you just send me a message via the blog and it’s as good as done. I shall call the plan operation sawrong (get it!)


  10. i can’t wait for the big reveal :)


  11. Good luck with Goat Boy.


  12. You don’t need a manual. I think you have great instincts. You just need to get more comfortable with being serious with “the man.” Not like morbid serious, either. Hell. Most romances have lots of humor in them and I expect yours to be of the top variety!! But the nervous jitters and giggles are cool – who wouldn’t want to enjoy the “butterflies in my stomach” period of dating?


  13. Definitely kick it into high gear with ‘the guy’. I don’t think you have to worry about the seduction either. Follow your instincts, and think positive.


  14. Perhaps you should review that post of yours that hinted at the meaty aroma some males crave. Not me though, I’m all veggie now. Although, I could make an exception with my pal Romi ;)

    P.D. Care to spray some Meat Ball Eau de Toilette all over you?


  15. Ooh! I’m dying with curiosity about ‘the guy’! Unfortunately I don’t think there’s any sort of real seduction manual out there, I’ve been hitting the self help books – they’re worth a giggle if nothing else!


  16. It will take 3 cups of tea to know for sure. You’ll probably need to go pee a couple of times. It’s all up to you blog daughter!


  17. I think I missed something here…I thought from your last blog that you had found someone?


  18. Nigel: oh ya, flannel PJ’s is all it takes huh? Haha…well given the state of my closet then, I should be all set for YEARS… :-)

    Red Canuck: haha, you’re coming back for the holidays? Good luck! The Holidays are the key time that my parents try to harrass my brother who lives in LA the rest of the year…lol.

    And for volunteering I’m helping build houses “Habitat for Humanity” style (ya, as IF I should be trusted with that kind of work!…lol…I think I’ll be assigned to cleaning and carrying lumber from one place to the next, haha)…then there is a Toy Drive I’m donating to, but that part is more fun, because you see people rarely shop for the “childrens books” part of those lists, and yet reading is SO important to a child’s life! So spending hours in Chapters finding my old favourites is quite fun

    Wendy: “the network engineer” door is definitely like opening the floodgates to enter in the grannies/aunties. Quite frankly I couldn’t give a crap about job titles, especially if the dude’s not cool, haha

    Aniroodh: Thanks for stopping by, and have fun at the wedding! Just make sure you get all the best food, and you’ll have a great time! :-)

    Justin: my heart would melt just like one of those “Arby’s melts” if I ever got proposed to at Arby’s haha

    PS: Indians are super-sneaky, and as for my usual seduction tools, I don’t think they’ll work in this instance as there are bigger obstacles, but I’ll explain that soon

    Java: I did NOT write the manual, and if I had, people would be demanding to get their money back, TRUST ME… :-)

    crisitunity: that’s alright, and YES there is an Indian Barbie! But also YES, it looks like the same Barbie with the typical horse-hair dyed black…oh well…baby steps

    morethananelectrician: I could use anything to get the tea party off track, make me a batch!!

    sammy25: hahahha….I love fun puns, that was awesome, and thanks for volunteering to be my saviour!! :-)

    maleesha: oh, so you think there will be a big reveal huh? Hahaha…soo many issues, there are so many issues (more on that later )

    PureEvyl:
    goat-boy can stay in the mountains and give milk or whatever the hell he does, as long as he stays away from me!

    teeni: you’re right, I can be serious too, I just need the right time and place, which currently poses a big challenge… :-)

    Kerplar: I am definitely thinking positive, but my gears are limited at the moment…sorry if that sounds vague, but trust me :-)

    duffboy: my last bottle of “meat ball eau de toillette” is running low, maybe I need to squeeze out a fresh one

    leafprobably: there’s self-help books on that stuff? Woah, I am so out of touch, I need to get one of those!

    David:
    hahaha…I will definitely need to go pee after three cups, I can’t wait for my questions on love to be answered via tea!!

    dobeman: haha…from my last blog I realized that a friend had potentially become someone of real interest; that alone doesn’t solve my problems; like you don’t go up to your parents with a non-Indian prince until there’s a ring on your finger and there’s nothing they can do about it, haha



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