h1

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

forsale.gif

One Chick.

Picture50 00163Details/Technical Specs:

-Nearly slim, almost busty, somewhat young, variably domestic, a little bit crazy, but…very sentimental.

Payment Terms: (acceptable currency = one heterosexual man, as follows):

-A metamorphosis of Brad Pitt and George Clooney, with a British accent to die for, buns of steel worth cooking for, and a heart of solid gold.  Will not accept underage man-boys (on the record anyway), and if you are over the age of 80, you will not be considered (exceptions are available on the basis of owning corporations and/or small countries).

If you are interested and meet the above conditions, leave your information below.

60 comments

  1. I’m not interested, but remind me to schedule an appointment for you once my male-male celebrity/metal hybridization business takes off.


  2. I came to your blog from StumbleUpon. You are a wonderful writer! If you have not yet written a book (fiction or nonfiction), you really should consider it! I would buy it in a heartbeat!
    As for your terms of sale: I am afraid I don’t fit the criteria. I am too old (45). I do not have a British accent (although many believe the North Eastern Ohio accent to be quite attractive). I am not a cross between Clooney and Pitt (think instead a cross between Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino and Buddha). I am also happily married and I have little hope that my wife would approve. And finally I own no corporation or country; I do however own a fine collection of lawn care and snow removal products.
    If, however, I had been writing this 10-15 years ago (with your age being the same as it is now), I would have gladly given any other suitors a serious run for their money!
    All levity aside: you are a very good writer. Please keep it up!


  3. thedesktop: I didn’t know you were a mad scientist! Ya I’ll be waiting for that call when your man-hybrid machine is complete (but maybe you should do some clinical trials first, ’cause I wouldn’t want for George Clooney’s ass to wind up on Brad Pitt’s face (though I’m sure it’s a glorious ass…yeah… :-) ))

    MoltenSproket: thanks for your visit and the wonderful feedback! :-) I have no book to speak of, but perhaps I can write a bunch of stuff on some lined pages, staple them together, and sell them to you for a handsome profit ;-)

    PS: I loved hearing about your criteria anyway…and this Eastern Ohio accent sounds intriguing ;-)

    PPS: Hoffman, Pacino and Buddha??? Good God…LOL…


  4. HA! You know, IF you find a man with “Buns of steel worth cooking for” he’s not gonna want you to cook.

    Right? I mean, he’s probably like I was when I got married; all into his protein shakes and crap! Then, because she didn’t get to, my wife forgot how to cook and now I have to do it! It’s a friekin’ crazy world


  5. I don’t have buns of steel, but if you are offering good curry, I’m so there! :)


  6. nice to know about your feelings, i do have all that qualities hmmmm , i dont know how you will take me ,,,,


  7. finally found you.


  8. wow


  9. dobeman: wow, that is some crazy logic, which basically means that I’m spared of cooking-duties, so…”buns of steel” all the way! ;-)

    glassowater: I need some serious curry-lessons from my mom first, so I better get on that ;-)

    richard rocker: WHAT!?!? You have all the qualities? Well then where have you been hiding? Don’t be shy now, LOL ;-)

    Thomas: it’s true you’ve found me, so now what?…do you meet the criteria? Haha.. ;-)

    Greg: Wow???…”Wow” as in: “you can’t believe someone like me hasn’t been snatched up yet??” I KNOW RIGHT??? ;-)


  10. Made connection because my stumbleupon friend veronica had you listed. Great stuff on your blog, please check out my blog. Also a Furry Freak Bro


  11. how about a slightly gangsta, 6 foot 2 “almost” gentleman with slight issues but a body to die for ha ha…….


  12. You’re a very pretty girl. It’s a shame no guy has come by to scoop you up. And come to think of it, are guys blind in Canada???

    Thomas :)


  13. Romi – smart, funny, eager for new experiences, introspective, challenging, deadly sexxy… what the HELL is wrong with these men you meet? I’m beginning to have doubts about the heterosexual nature of men in Canada! You need to venture out beyond your borders…perhaps somewhere south…. ;)


  14. omg Romi, this is hilarious. “Will not accept underage man-boys (on the record anyway), and if you are over the age of 80, you will not be considered (exceptions are available on the basis of owning corporations and/or small countries).” Your life sounds so exciting – you are really out there having fun, aren’t you? LUCKY BITCH! :) Me, married, 3 kids, working full time……. I don’t remember being single……..Was I ever single? Hmph, well have fun so I can read all of the excitement!


  15. Jerrygarcia86: veronica’s great, thanks for checking me out, and I swung by your place too :-)

    THEDOGG: wow, ummm…6’2″ with an awesome bod? Whatever your slight issues are, they can’t be that bad with stats like that, hahaha ;-)

    twps:
    well aren’t you sweet! Haha, thanks, and I will have to start giving guys in Canada random eye-tests ;-)

    glassowater: haha, well damn, thanks for that great list of attributes, I’ll ask my self-esteem which ones I really have and get back to you (LOL…JUST joking, don’t call Oprah or anything, I DO like myself or whatever…haha ;-) )

    PS: somewhere south eh? Well I like warm weather… ;-)

    Lumpy: my life is SO far from exciting that’s it actually…funny….but I have to admit, I try to spice it up when I can ;-)

    PS: I will continue to keep it exciting for your reading pleasure, and hey, married with 3 kids? Somehow I see you as lucky too… ;-)


  16. I stumbled onto your page by complete accident from someone else’s blogroll. I read one, then two,then another posting! All I have to say is WOW!

    Why “wow”? Because most of the females available in my area of Texas are *edit* not meeting my expectations *edit*, and have no idea a world beyond their hair and makeup exists, let alone capable of writing intelligently in a blog on the “series of tubes” called the internet.

    I don’t meet many of your qualifications, except for the “heart of gold” and maybe the buns of steel :p, but should a twist of fate bring you down to south west Texas I’d scoop you up in a golden heartbeat!

    I thoroughly enjoyed this brief look into the mind of a female, keep up the good work!


  17. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who can write. I’ve spent the last few hours reading a ton of your posts and am very glad I stumbled upon your little corner of the internets. You are the coolest, sexiest chick that I don’t know.
    Well done.


  18. A bird on the cop for a geezer with impecible manners and an English accent? Is this girl crazy? Looks like she’s up for a quick date down the Skinners Arms for pie and chips and a bit of humpty dumpty. Luvly.


  19. omegaradium: I’m so flattered that I got you on a “post-reading roll”, thanks :-) And you know what? I’m glad I broke the negative stereotype that the Texas women seem to be bringing us down with, and awww…I love getting scooped! ;-)

    kris: that is like the coolest comment ever maybe ;-) (I love how you telling me that I can write well is followed by me starting off a comment to you in a nearly incoherent, intelligence-lackng sentence, haha ;-) )…but seriously thanks, and your blog is hilarious by the way!! :-)

    Gareth: HAHAHA, I am LOVING your English speak, big points for you!! :-)


  20. Yes. It’s true. I do not understand.


  21. I just noticed that you might want to add “single” to “heterosexual male” up there. Just maybe. ;)


  22. I think I know you… hyuk hyuk…. =P


  23. Greg: it’s one of nature’s great mysteries that I’m still single (LOL), but I’m working on it ;-)

    Taoist Biker: That’s a good call, but the better call is “no”, because if my soul-mate happens to NOT be single when I cross his path…well is that really my fault? (I’ll leave it to the jury to determine if I’m actually capable of being a homewrecker, haha ;-) )

    iknow: you know me? Cool…well if you’re a dude and you know me, why haven’t you asked me out yet loser? HAHAHA ;-)


  24. New Picture – oh my goodness….my little heart definitely skipped a beat or two…. ;)


  25. You might be the female version of me!!!


  26. glassowater: yup, I decided to rock a new pic…it was time to rotate between “slutty looks”…LOL (well I AM for sale, what do you want me to do? ;-) )

    contortionguy: thanks for the visit, and if you’re the male version of me, shouldn’t we be hooking up, or is it better for us to stick to opposites?? You know, opposites attract and all that (or at least that’s what Paula Abdul said in one of her classic hits.. ;-) )


  27. Romi – seriously, I’m a guy…do you honestly need me to answer that question? heehee
    *sighs*


  28. Thank you for finding me. I don’t have a British accent….unless you want me too. I can comply.


  29. You are insane. That ad just wont do.

    Slim yet healthy, pleasantly busty, quite young, variably domestic, a little bit crazy, but…very sentimental.

    This is my edit. What kind of sales person are you? You need a manager! :)


  30. I love your blog but I am getting really disappointed.. I spent all of yesterday evening looking for you on eBay without any luck. As for your criteria.. I am not sure I meet any of those standards. In fact I am not sure I have any standards at all but that’s another matter entirely.

    I agree with Veronica and I like the bit about “variably domestic”.. or did she mean “domesticated”? Because that is kind of important to stipulate you are house trained and know where to find the kitchen (in case I ever get lost).


  31. glassowater: I guess I don’t, and I wanna say “keep your pants on!!!” in a scolding manner, but who am I kidding? Hahaha…

    Billy: let’s enroll you in some dialect-classes STAT…and none of that once-a-week “night class” crap; I want you to study hard in the accelerated “fast track” course, ’cause I don’t have time to waste.

    Veronica: your subtle adjustments improve my sales potential a great deal! But at the same time I feel that to “enhance the truth” would be inappropriate (this coming from a chick who works in ADVERTISING…wow, my bosses are NOT getting the most out of me, hahaha ;-) )

    Paul: But I AM on eBay, you’re just not looking in the right section; I’m filed under “Desperado Girly-Chick Who Will Happily Dip Herself In Maple Syrup For Your Affections”…it’s a long-winded category, but it exists!!!

    PS: I am certainly house-trained (when I’m sober), and I will always lead you to the kitchen with the aroma of my “technically not poisonous” make-shift cooking-creations… :-) :-) !!


  32. Hi,

    I really enjoy your writing. I happened upon your blog and am impressed. Will check back frequently.

    Too bad I don’t meet your qualifications. Too old, (45). I’m no dreamboat but not a shipwreck either. No buns of steel. Don’t have a heart of gold, more like banged up tarnished silver…but, I mean well.

    Warm regards,

    Rich


  33. Just remember…when you re-do that to do list, I live right next to the ocean… ;)
    heeheehe


  34. Rich: thank you so much for the kind words, I’ll be glad to have you back :-)

    PS: “I’m no dreamboat but I’m not a shipwreck either…don’t have a heart of gold, more like banged up tarnished silver”….hahaha…you’re very amusing, and though it’s not written in the ad, charm and humour are always a plus! ;-)

    glassowater: mental note = made ;-)


  35. I hope this isn’t too forward: I love you. Will you marry me. (I’m really good at it. That’s why I keep doing it.)


  36. Really funny stuff; added you to my blogroll and can’t wait for future installments!


  37. Bobblehead George: I’m not surprised that you’ve fallen in love with me already, I tend to have that effect (pay no attention that I’m 27 single, and haven’t been on a real date in like 2.5 years..lol ;-) …wow that was embarrassing to admit…oh well)

    heartlesjezebel: aww, thanks for stopping by and adding me to your blogroll :-) ….and until I start getting some regular action (LOL), there will be future installments ;-)


  38. ROMI- I’m in denial….trying not to admit that you have a little piece of my heart ;) and join the club! I have had one ‘real’ date in 2.5 years only to get told later that date really meant nothing. *sighs*


  39. Well I’m a Hetrosexual who shares Brad Pitt’s interest in Angelina Jolie and years for a fan followin similar to Clooney.
    I aint British but somewhere up the family tree they did invade us and rule for a hundred years.. :P

    I’ve Buns of Gold and a heart of stone. and I do not come under any of your exeptions.. :P what say you and I get together?? :P


  40. and yes.. I really need to chk my spellings b4 I post. :P You cant get more qualities in another man.. :P


  41. You have been awarded the “Kick Ass Blogger’s Award” come to my site to pick it up!


  42. glassowater: I say screw dates altogether…people should just get drunk and….uh never mind ;-)

    rvnrahul: hahaha…spelling is not as big a factor as buns of solid gold…good stats, I’ll review ;-)

    sweetiegirlz: wtf, that was awesome! Thanks for the selection, my ego spreads even wider now (that sounded gross somehow…lol ;-) )


  43. Romi- I like your thinking…when are you free? :) heehee


  44. Hilarious! I have no idea how I wound up here…but your read is funny as hell. I was looking for a sales blog to post some stuff (new to blogging….as you can tell…..god am I lost) and I wound up here. Not my usual read but I couldn’t click you away. I’m afraid to read more about Pitt’s ass and Clooney’s face ….or visa versa….whatever…I’m a hetero sexual guy so…..whatever…you get my point…lol….save me my sales page….bye


  45. Love your blog, I wish I could be considered in the running for your payment terms but this guy likes guy. But that’s not going to stop me from coming back here. Keep it up :)


  46. damn, just short on the accent lol

    -TheWebpreneur.ca


  47. Hi ‘Chick of The Year’
    I must confess that you seem to be uncommonly sane & open to the realities of all life has to offer. I’d love to be your statue anywhere, any day. There, now I said it!
    I cannot figure out why there is this seeming double-standard, where boys love to see girls wearing less, while girls commonly consider naked men grotesque or somehow perverted, (unless they are drunk.)
    Is this cultural, or are gals just hard-wired this way?
    I think most girls love men to give them attention, & the attire they wear (or not) helps them earn this. It’s not that easy for a man, but we love female attention at least as much as vice versa!
    Perhaps it’s simply a matter of the drunk gal boldly saying (uninhibited self-honesty) what the sober girl merely thinks (a vestige of victorian self-restriction.)
    I love wearing less, but culturally, I feel persecuted.
    How’m I doing on this?
    ~ Dea dare? Hee-he.


  48. glassowater: lol…you whore, simmer down now ;-)

    Gregg Zban: awww…I love when people find me by accident! (I’m banking on Mr. Right finding me that way too…lol)

    PS: well good luck in finding your sales blog, and please stop by again, I don’t talk about Brad Pitt’s buns everyday, I swear! ;-)

    sammy25: I don’t expect my womanly wiles to be powerful enough to get you away from the guys, but I do hope that YOU find (or have found) Mr. Right as well! :-) And come back anytime, I pretty much post regularly…’cause you know, what else am I gonna do? ;-)

    TheWebpreneur: Oh please, don’t let that hold you back, they have linguistics classes for that! :-)

    Dea G: anytime anyone calls me “chick of the year” I love that, so thanks for it! :-)

    PS: I try very hard not to get caught up in the vestiges of victorian self-restriction (lol, love that), so bring on the near-naked men! Seriously, be loud, and proud, you’re doing great ;-)


  49. ROMI – Simmer down? Now wheres the fun in that? ;)


  50. First off just let me say that YOU are very beautiful and I’m pretty certain that there must be dozens of guys with the “payment terms” you list queueing up at your door!! Anyhoots…enough about you lol! I’m no George Clooney or Brad Pitt (whoever they are!), but I do have a great English accent …maybe because I am English, which helps, and I have the heart of gold. The buns are maybe more muffins than steel, but muffins are much better to hold than steel, don’t you think.
    One problem though, Angel….I’m taken! Oh well, so sorry to break your heart, but you can check me out on MySpace (Mr DaveyPants)..maybe we can be “just friends” hahaha.


  51. Hey cutey, let me introduce myself as Jake. I run a new website with the exploits of me and my best friend Colin. I love reading your blog and have been for a few months now. Read our site and let me know what you think. I know it’s a little different theme, but we’re all on the same page. We would like it if you could add us to your blogroll. Thanks… Jake and Colin
    http://www.jakeandcolin.com


  52. I can’t find a way to email you. Don’t worry, I’m not interested in you “in that way!!” I just have a question. Please email me at lisamunleyATcaDOTrrDOTcom. Thanks! ~Lisa


  53. Hey… let’s get together! Ha Ha


  54. [...] The year of the chick by Romi [...]


  55. I think you are so awesome- can you be my e-BFF?


  56. Hi,
    I read parts of your cyber guy story…ive a similar story but it has a sad ending…a cautionary tale if you will. I had all the excitement of thinking someone was out there that I would love to know in real life…hours spent chatting, talking on the phone, countless emails for 3+ years….its all here:
    http://howididnotmeetcharlottefroom.blogspot.com/


  57. Sorry…her name was Romy…thats how i found your site.


  58. Hey, Thanks for the kind words you wrote on my blog, really made my day :-)


  59. I didn’t really see all of the conditions..I was in a hurry..so what are you looking for..I am single with no kids age 29..and if you live close maybe possible but if you are far away you probally won’t waste your time..take care


  60. I just finished reading your book “Year of the Chick” and honestly, you just made my life being an 18 year old Indian girl living in Canada (I was born in Toronto, but I go to McMaster). Seriously, your book just inspired me so much.. thank you so much for writing this and sharing it. Hopefully I’ll be able to dodge the arranged marriage shinangins like you :) I can’t wait to read your second book :)



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