h1

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

forsale.gif

One Chick.

Details/Technical Specs:

-Nearly slim, almost busty, somewhat young, variably domestic, a little bit crazy, but…very sentimental.

Payment Terms: (acceptable currency = one heterosexual man, as follows):

-A metamorphosis of Brad Pitt and George Clooney, with a British accent to die for, buns of steel worth cooking for, and a heart of solid gold.  Will not accept underage man-boys (on the record anyway), and if you are over the age of 80, you will not be considered (exceptions are available on the basis of owning corporations and/or small countries).

If you are interested and meet the above conditions, leave your information below.

35 comments

  1. I’m not interested, but remind me to schedule an appointment for you once my male-male celebrity/metal hybridization business takes off.

         by thedesktop February 19, 2008 at 11:30 pm

  2. I came to your blog from StumbleUpon. You are a wonderful writer! If you have not yet written a book (fiction or nonfiction), you really should consider it! I would buy it in a heartbeat!
    As for your terms of sale: I am afraid I don’t fit the criteria. I am too old (45). I do not have a British accent (although many believe the North Eastern Ohio accent to be quite attractive). I am not a cross between Clooney and Pitt (think instead a cross between Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino and Buddha). I am also happily married and I have little hope that my wife would approve. And finally I own no corporation or country; I do however own a fine collection of lawn care and snow removal products.
    If, however, I had been writing this 10-15 years ago (with your age being the same as it is now), I would have gladly given any other suitors a serious run for their money!
    All levity aside: you are a very good writer. Please keep it up!

         by MoltenSproket February 20, 2008 at 12:42 am

  3. thedesktop: I didn’t know you were a mad scientist! Ya I’ll be waiting for that call when your man-hybrid machine is complete (but maybe you should do some clinical trials first, ’cause I wouldn’t want for George Clooney’s ass to wind up on Brad Pitt’s face (though I’m sure it’s a glorious ass…yeah… :-) ))

    MoltenSproket: thanks for your visit and the wonderful feedback! :-) I have no book to speak of, but perhaps I can write a bunch of stuff on some lined pages, staple them together, and sell them to you for a handsome profit ;-)

    PS: I loved hearing about your criteria anyway…and this Eastern Ohio accent sounds intriguing ;-)

    PPS: Hoffman, Pacino and Buddha??? Good God…LOL…

         by romi41 February 21, 2008 at 11:54 pm

  4. HA! You know, IF you find a man with “Buns of steel worth cooking for” he’s not gonna want you to cook.

    Right? I mean, he’s probably like I was when I got married; all into his protein shakes and crap! Then, because she didn’t get to, my wife forgot how to cook and now I have to do it! It’s a friekin’ crazy world

         by dobeman February 24, 2008 at 6:40 pm

  5. I don’t have buns of steel, but if you are offering good curry, I’m so there! :)

         by glassowater February 25, 2008 at 12:45 pm

  6. nice to know about your feelings, i do have all that qualities hmmmm , i dont know how you will take me ,,,,

         by richard rocker February 27, 2008 at 8:34 am

  7. finally found you.

         by Thomas March 4, 2008 at 3:24 pm

  8. wow

         by Greg March 6, 2008 at 3:01 am

  9. dobeman: wow, that is some crazy logic, which basically means that I’m spared of cooking-duties, so…”buns of steel” all the way! ;-)

    glassowater: I need some serious curry-lessons from my mom first, so I better get on that ;-)

    richard rocker: WHAT!?!? You have all the qualities? Well then where have you been hiding? Don’t be shy now, LOL ;-)

    Thomas: it’s true you’ve found me, so now what?…do you meet the criteria? Haha.. ;-)

    Greg: Wow???…”Wow” as in: “you can’t believe someone like me hasn’t been snatched up yet??” I KNOW RIGHT??? ;-)

         by romi41 March 6, 2008 at 9:42 pm

  10. Made connection because my stumbleupon friend veronica had you listed. Great stuff on your blog, please check out my blog. Also a Furry Freak Bro

         by Jerrygarcia86 March 7, 2008 at 6:54 pm

  11. how about a slightly gangsta, 6 foot 2 “almost” gentleman with slight issues but a body to die for ha ha…….

         by THE DOGG March 9, 2008 at 10:10 am

  12. You’re a very pretty girl. It’s a shame no guy has come by to scoop you up. And come to think of it, are guys blind in Canada???

    Thomas :)

         by twps March 9, 2008 at 10:57 pm

  13. Romi - smart, funny, eager for new experiences, introspective, challenging, deadly sexxy… what the HELL is wrong with these men you meet? I’m beginning to have doubts about the heterosexual nature of men in Canada! You need to venture out beyond your borders…perhaps somewhere south…. ;)

         by glassowater March 12, 2008 at 10:42 am

  14. omg Romi, this is hilarious. “Will not accept underage man-boys (on the record anyway), and if you are over the age of 80, you will not be considered (exceptions are available on the basis of owning corporations and/or small countries).” Your life sounds so exciting - you are really out there having fun, aren’t you? LUCKY BITCH! :) Me, married, 3 kids, working full time……. I don’t remember being single……..Was I ever single? Hmph, well have fun so I can read all of the excitement!

         by Lumpy March 13, 2008 at 5:28 pm

  15. Jerrygarcia86: veronica’s great, thanks for checking me out, and I swung by your place too :-)

    THEDOGG: wow, ummm…6′2″ with an awesome bod? Whatever your slight issues are, they can’t be that bad with stats like that, hahaha ;-)

    twps:     well aren’t you sweet! Haha, thanks, and I will have to start giving guys in Canada random eye-tests ;-)

    glassowater: haha, well damn, thanks for that great list of attributes, I’ll ask my self-esteem which ones I really have and get back to you (LOL…JUST joking, don’t call Oprah or anything, I DO like myself or whatever…haha ;-) )

    PS: somewhere south eh? Well I like warm weather… ;-)

    Lumpy: my life is SO far from exciting that’s it actually…funny….but I have to admit, I try to spice it up when I can ;-)

    PS: I will continue to keep it exciting for your reading pleasure, and hey, married with 3 kids? Somehow I see you as lucky too… ;-)

         by romi41 March 13, 2008 at 8:28 pm

  16. I stumbled onto your page by complete accident from someone else’s blogroll. I read one, then two,then another posting! All I have to say is WOW!

    Why “wow”? Because most of the females available in my area of Texas are *edit* not meeting my expectations *edit*, and have no idea a world beyond their hair and makeup exists, let alone capable of writing intelligently in a blog on the “series of tubes” called the internet.

    I don’t meet many of your qualifications, except for the “heart of gold” and maybe the buns of steel :p, but should a twist of fate bring you down to south west Texas I’d scoop you up in a golden heartbeat!

    I thoroughly enjoyed this brief look into the mind of a female, keep up the good work!

         by omegaradium March 15, 2008 at 11:08 pm

  17. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who can write. I’ve spent the last few hours reading a ton of your posts and am very glad I stumbled upon your little corner of the internets. You are the coolest, sexiest chick that I don’t know.
    Well done.

         by Kris March 17, 2008 at 12:23 am

  18. A bird on the cop for a geezer with impecible manners and an English accent? Is this girl crazy? Looks like she’s up for a quick date down the Skinners Arms for pie and chips and a bit of humpty dumpty. Luvly.

         by Gareth March 24, 2008 at 6:24 pm

  19. omegaradium: I’m so flattered that I got you on a “post-reading roll”, thanks :-) And you know what? I’m glad I broke the negative stereotype that the Texas women seem to be bringing us down with, and awww…I love getting scooped! ;-)

    kris: that is like the coolest comment ever maybe ;-) (I love how you telling me that I can write well is followed by me starting off a comment to you in a nearly incoherent, intelligence-lackng sentence, haha ;-) )…but seriously thanks, and your blog is hilarious by the way!! :-)

    Gareth: HAHAHA, I am LOVING your English speak, big points for you!! :-)

         by romi41 March 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm

  20. Yes. It’s true. I do not understand.

         by Greg March 29, 2008 at 5:01 am

  21. I just noticed that you might want to add “single” to “heterosexual male” up there. Just maybe. ;)

         by Taoist Biker April 10, 2008 at 11:10 am

  22. I think I know you… hyuk hyuk…. =P

         by iknow April 13, 2008 at 5:32 am

  23. Greg: it’s one of nature’s great mysteries that I’m still single (LOL), but I’m working on it ;-)

    Taoist Biker: That’s a good call, but the better call is “no”, because if my soul-mate happens to NOT be single when I cross his path…well is that really my fault? (I’ll leave it to the jury to determine if I’m actually capable of being a homewrecker, haha ;-) )

    iknow: you know me? Cool…well if you’re a dude and you know me, why haven’t you asked me out yet loser? HAHAHA ;-) …

         by romi41 April 23, 2008 at 9:50 pm

  24. New Picture - oh my goodness….my little heart definitely skipped a beat or two…. ;)

         by glassowater April 30, 2008 at 1:38 pm

  25. You might be the female version of me!!!

         by contortionguy May 5, 2008 at 3:33 pm

  26. glassowater: yup, I decided to rock a new pic…it was time to rotate between “slutty looks”…LOL (well I AM for sale, what do you want me to do? ;-) )

    contortionguy: thanks for the visit, and if you’re the male version of me, shouldn’t we be hooking up, or is it better for us to stick to opposites?? You know, opposites attract and all that (or at least that’s what Paula Abdul said in one of her classic hits.. ;-) )

         by romi41 May 11, 2008 at 8:49 pm

  27. Romi - seriously, I’m a guy…do you honestly need me to answer that question? heehee
    *sighs*

         by glassowater May 12, 2008 at 6:32 pm

  28. Thank you for finding me. I don’t have a British accent….unless you want me too. I can comply.

         by Billy May 30, 2008 at 12:15 am

  29. You are insane. That ad just wont do.

    Slim yet healthy, pleasantly busty, quite young, variably domestic, a little bit crazy, but…very sentimental.

    This is my edit. What kind of sales person are you? You need a manager! :)

         by veronicaromm June 23, 2008 at 11:55 am

  30. I love your blog but I am getting really disappointed.. I spent all of yesterday evening looking for you on eBay without any luck. As for your criteria.. I am not sure I meet any of those standards. In fact I am not sure I have any standards at all but that’s another matter entirely.

    I agree with Veronica and I like the bit about “variably domestic”.. or did she mean “domesticated”? Because that is kind of important to stipulate you are house trained and know where to find the kitchen (in case I ever get lost).

         by Paul B. June 25, 2008 at 2:01 pm

  31. glassowater: I guess I don’t, and I wanna say “keep your pants on!!!” in a scolding manner, but who am I kidding? Hahaha…

    Billy: let’s enroll you in some dialect-classes STAT…and none of that once-a-week “night class” crap; I want you to study hard in the accelerated “fast track” course, ’cause I don’t have time to waste.

    Veronica: your subtle adjustments improve my sales potential a great deal! But at the same time I feel that to “enhance the truth” would be inappropriate (this coming from a chick who works in ADVERTISING…wow, my bosses are NOT getting the most out of me, hahaha ;-) )

    Paul: But I AM on eBay, you’re just not looking in the right section; I’m filed under “Desperado Girly-Chick Who Will Happily Dip Herself In Maple Syrup For Your Affections”…it’s a long-winded category, but it exists!!!

    PS: I am certainly house-trained (when I’m sober), and I will always lead you to the kitchen with the aroma of my “technically not poisonous” make-shift cooking-creations… :-) :-) !!

         by romi41 June 25, 2008 at 9:56 pm

  32. Hi,

    I really enjoy your writing. I happened upon your blog and am impressed. Will check back frequently.

    Too bad I don’t meet your qualifications. Too old, (45). I’m no dreamboat but not a shipwreck either. No buns of steel. Don’t have a heart of gold, more like banged up tarnished silver…but, I mean well.

    Warm regards,

    Rich

         by Rich Matthews June 29, 2008 at 3:22 pm

  33. Just remember…when you re-do that to do list, I live right next to the ocean… ;)
    heeheehe

         by glassowater July 9, 2008 at 11:42 pm

  34. Rich: thank you so much for the kind words, I’ll be glad to have you back :-)

    PS: “I’m no dreamboat but I’m not a shipwreck either…don’t have a heart of gold, more like banged up tarnished silver”….hahaha…you’re very amusing, and though it’s not written in the ad, charm and humour are always a plus! ;-)

    glassowater: mental note = made ;-)

         by romi41 July 13, 2008 at 9:41 pm

  35. I hope this isn’t too forward: I love you. Will you marry me. (I’m really good at it. That’s why I keep doing it.)

         by Bobblehead George July 17, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Leave a Comment