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SUPER-Embarrassing Moment #3: Only Fools Rush In…

December 9, 2007

I preface this entry with all things “LOVE“.

As I write this, I’m listening to my future wedding song, i.e. “Can’t Help Falling In Love” (and of course it’s the Elvis Presley version! (seriously I love this song)…Swoon…don’t worry, I’m inviting you all to “Romi’s Big Day” ;-) ).

As you read this post, I encourage you to listen to Elvis, so here ya go:

 

Alright then, let’s get started…

————————————————————————————————————————-

Love.teddy.jpg

It might just be the most two-faced emotion in the world.  It can bring you your greatest joy, as well as your toughest pain…in the end, love is a nasty bitch.

And how does this treachourous dance even start?  It doesn’t take a lot (or so I’ve learned), and most often, it begins with a little crush…

***

…When I was 12, I experienced my very first crush. He was a dreamy All-American fella, with a hint of Jimmy-Dean-ish rebellion.

I’d known him for 3 long years, a time that had been peppered with verbal and physical assault (of the mutual variety).

It was childhood animosity at its finest :-) .

I had never really thought of him in any great detail (except in relation to punching), but he was starting to grow and blossom.

In his current state, he had recently grown 4 inches (and of course I mean “G-rated” height vs. “X-rated” length, you sick sick bastards…) .  His jaw-line was coming in nicely, slowly assuming a rigid and angular form (my favourite :-) ). His hands had also grown, changing from the grubby little child-hands that grossed me out, to those rugged “look at me I’m in a band and play guitar” type-hands.

Needless to say, he was nothing short of “delicious man-boy”…this was all very new and exciting.

Now when I first truly noticed I’d fallen for the boy, it kinda went like this:

-The class was in line at the teacher’s desk, so she could grade all our quizzes one-by-one. He was standing directly in front of me, in a big blue sweatshirt with a “Wolverines” logo on the front (I guess the “Michigan Wolverines” are a football team, but fuck it, I hated football then and I still friggin’ do…).

brut.jpg-As I stood behind him in line, I started to take him in, inch-by-lovely-inch. From his dirty blond mane of-”you should’ve shampooed that yesterday“-hair, right down to the 5 or 6 freckles on his nose; he was beautiful. He was also wearing some musky drug-store cologne, and I won’t even pretend I wasn’t loving it :-) . As I leaned in closer (to take a deeper sniff of his “essence”), the back of my hand brushed his sleeve, and THAT’S what really killed it:

-THAT was the very first time, I became all…“weak in the vagina”.

Magical.

Now even though I was obviously smitten, there was ONE glaring problem in this “we’re gonna fall in love and get married” plan:

-He had a girlfriend.

Yes, he was courting some All-American girl, who had grown all her boobs by age 9 (wtf?), and was now running around with GI-NORMOUS “floaties” (had she lived in 1912, I know she could’ve saved the Titanic, I just KNOW IT!).  She also wore make-up, which I would NOT be getting into for another 6 years (mom’s defense: eye-shadow=whore). 

So basically I was fucked (not in a good way), which meant I had to sit back, and slowly bide my time.

I decided to keep a low profile, and maybe do some blossoming of my own in the meantime…

Fast-forward 2 years later, and suddenly I was in high school (I know, TWO years later, boy do I work fast (shut up)) .

Anyhoo, with two years of development under my belt, I had changed in the following ways:

………

???

————————————————————————————————————————

Not to be a tease, but this story’s pretty long, so I’ll post the conclusion later on in the week.chihuahua_heart_shape_pattern1.jpg

And that leaves us with the following questions:

-What happens to our lovesick fool? 

-What sort of crushing embarrassment befalls her?  Is it the overt, more physical kind? Or the subtle, more emotional kind that eats away at her, until many years later she jumps off a ledge?  (Feel free to mull it over ;-) … )

28 comments

  1. I think it’s so weird that the things that attracted you to him were his jaw line, his hands, dirty hair, and cheap cologne. That’s why I could never be gay. Ask any man to tell you a story about their tween crushes and eventually after some candy coating and bull shitting it will all boil down to T&A. Good old tits and ass. Men like curves, we can’t help it. We don’t notice hands. We really don’t care how you smell, or how clean you are. Tits and Ass. Vagina is pretty nice too, but we pretty much have to gamble on that being nice based on the tits and ass.


  2. I’m guessing that since you’re posting it under the heading “SUPER-Embarrassing Moment” It’s not exactly going to be the subtle kind of embarrassment…


  3. drugstore cologne. haha. And your mom is right, only whores use eye shadow.

    Can you expand on weak in the vagina? I’m not sure if it means what I think it means. If it means what i’m thinking, im going to start making women brush my sleeves.

    Great show as always.


  4. Arg, Romi, arg. I’m not a patient individual! you leave me in cruel suspense!!
    Un. Im. Pressed. Hahaha.
    When I was in grade five, the guy I had a crush on unhooked my feet from the monkey bars and I fell five feet onto my face in the sand. Clearly, I understand your young love story and whatever embarassment you’ll entertain us with.


  5. Romi…I’ve been through everything from 1-night-stands to engaged, and I’ll tell you this much.

    A girl with large breasts always wins out in the end.

    I’m sorry and I still do care about you very much.


  6. This story better end with someone getting donkey punched.


  7. Ok, Romi. I’m not very patient….the suspense is killing me.

    If your ending is anything like mine….it will end up in a love confession that goes very very badly (involving teasing, tears, the man-boy giving you weird looks from then on, & future therapy sessions to rehash & work through).

    Or it might be like the time, my “friend”, who helped me plan the whole “hitting on him” thing, ends up in his tent on the big field trip, instead of me (ok long involved story but this is a “comment” afterall, right?)


  8. Love is a nasty bitch! But being the girl with the big boobs ain’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially if you like scuba diving or any sports that involve running! I hope you slap him at some point.


  9. Damn you Romi, how dare you make a cliffhanger. Have you no soul?

    And this comment, “(I guess the “Michigan Wolverines” are a football team, but fuck it, I hated football then and I still friggin’ do…)” would have made me weak in the vagina for you, if I indeed had a vagina.


  10. I’ve made a list of possible endings to save your readers the suspense:

    1. Romi never gets asked out during high school.
    2. Romi learns to use makeup and to shave her legs. She looks okay on the outside, but she is still shot down. She is slowly turned to pure evil on the inside.
    3. Lucifer comes up and offers her eternal beauty in exchange for her soul.
    4. Romi learns that the only way to be loved is to love yourself and others.
    5. Snape kills Dumbledore, they were on earth all along, V dies, Neo and Trinity die, Jesus dies, Lance Armstrong wins the Tour de France, the fire dragon kills Beowulf, JFK gets shot, Bruce Willis was a ghost all along, Farrell is Yuri, the chick was really a dude, and the corpse in the middle of the room was Jigsaw.


  11. Andy – A girl with large breasts always wins out in the end.

    Not always, my friend. Not always. I dated an few A-Cups for awhile.

    Romi – -THAT was the very first time, I became all…“weak in the vagina”.

    I’ve never heard this term before. Instead of leaving me in even more suspense (waiting for the second half of your story), can you please explain what this is.

    Thomas :)


  12. twps- me too. and the large breasted girls still won. lol jk


  13. Andy – Okay, you di in fact have a point there. I married a woman with a DD.

    Thomas :)


  14. Romi! How could you?! I can’t take this kind of suspence!!!Work is so BORING, what else am I supposed to do?!

    And I’m with ya girl, the Big Boobs are out to destroy us! Like we can help it if our boob genetics just don’t realize how much they effect our lives! Damn those Big Boobs!!!


  15. Weak in the vagina. Love it. Using it.

    I had a crush on a boy who put his shoe in my lunch once. Didn’t bode well. Ooh! And I had a crush on a boy in grade seven, and then I found him over the summer on facebook. We went on one date, and he made the worst pass at me ever that I actually laughed at him, told him he failed, and he was on the bus in twenty minutes. It was fan-freaking-tastic.


  16. Weak in the vagina :) You know I have to steal that, right??

    So, you grew huge boobies, right? Huge boobies? That’s it, isn’t it, huge boobies??


  17. Josh: seriously? Just T&A? But what about my dark and mysterious Indian eyes? And my cool-ass personality? (and actually, I have awesome hands..)..but no? Nothing? FINE then, go get yours, you “motor-boatin’ son of a bitch” ;-)

    leaf: i’m gonna make you wait another day, but you’d be surprised what sort of embarrassment stifles our super-sensitive lovesick fool over here ;-)

    andyfox: is it really whorish to admit that I currently own like 20 different colours of eye shadow?….

    PS: “weak in the vagina” means exactly what you think it means…a.k.a. does the term “omg the basement is flooded!” mean anything to you? (haha, did I seriously just say that? ;-) )…in any case, put those sexy sleeves on!!

    Talea: damn me for creating suspense! It’s an obvious cry for prolonged attention..argh..argh!!

    PS: five feet fall into the sand??? Not cool; I’m glad we’re kindred spirits in the area of tough love…we’ll see what happens with me…sigh…

    Andy: dammit! Stop bursting my fantasy-land bubble with your “societal truths”…damn you!!! (but I’m glad you still care about me, hehe ;-) )

    sexualtrex: no promises, but anything is possible; hope you come back to find out :-)

    Rachel: I’m sorry for the sneaky suspense, but it’s better this way (well at least it was for me, I couldn’t handle dealing with it all in one post);…and I am NOT going to give anything away, but we will discuss your experience after my next post ;-)

    dontdatethatdude: I guess it’s cool that I have small boobs so I can run my ass off…I guess so…

    bronsonfive: I can’t guarantee you that I have a soul; you’ll figure that out after enough observatiion via my comments ;-)

    PS: omg, I CAN’T believe that me hating the wolverines and football made you weak in your “theorhetical vagina-man-hole!!!” Yay, we really have something special here ;-)


  18. desktop: holy crap I just laughed my ass off at all your “choose your own adventure” endings :-) ; if I knew nothing about how my story ends, but did know ME in general, I would say that these are the probabiliities:

    1. (50%)
    2. (30%)
    3. (18%)
    4. (2%)
    5. (0%)—but I loved the one about how the dead guy on the floor is really Jigsaw…hahaha, I loved Saw :-) (at least the first one)

    twps: it’s really cool that you dated some A-cups, but then I saw your next comment where you married a Double D!!! phff! Move along, I am not impressed!!

    PS: for a “weak in the vagina” explanation, please see my comment back to “andyfox”

    Dropsy:
    dammit, I don’t want your work to be boring, but you’re almost there, I’ll post it soon!

    PS: YES! Why are boob-genetics so cold and unfeeling when it comes to our boob-needs in everyday life, where boobs help us get ahead!!?!?!!? All we can do is wear deceptive bras and hope for the best ;-)

    greenie: you go and use that “weak in the vagina” term as much as you want; I first intro’ed that term on a Top Model post a couple months ago; I wanna start hearing it all over Toronto, so spread the word! :-)

    Once again I love your stories: ewww…a shoe in your lunch? I hope it was an egg-salad sandwich (I HATED when my mom would give me egg-salad sandwiches, so I would always only eat the crusts and throw out the rest, but I was too afraid to hurt her feelings (or get my ass kicked), so I suffered in silence…)

    PS: THAT IS THE BEST retribution for a crush; you LAUGHED at the pass he made??? Stop being my hero so much, I can’t stand it! ;-)

    Simmone: because of your book, you’ve GOT to use that; it would be so perfect, go for it! :-)

    PS: suuurrrreee…. it was those magical BIG boobies that appeared one day at age 14….suuuuurrreeee……


  19. So what happened? What happppened? Whhhaaaaat happpppppppeeneddddd????


  20. Damn Romi, your story has me with some serious questions. What a cliffhanger. I’ve never heard the expression “weak in the vagina,” and I love it. Damn that 9 year-old whore he was with too.


  21. Oh. Weak in the vagina is another term for a flooded downstairs. Ah. Now I see!

    Thomas :)


  22. Well in all fairness we male readers, excuse me, your male fans only have the one photo to go off of. I mean, how do we know your eyes are dark and mysterious? Could have been a lucky shot. And of course your personality is kick ass and uber-sexy and shit. But we’re talkin looks here, not inner beauty. I mean, we have wangs, so we’re shallow and whatnot. And hands? For real? I thought they were gigantic like Andre the Giant’s. I’ve got gnarly hands because I work with them. They are all scarred up and calloused with cuts and scabs and beaten up nails and shit.

    I will admit that I notice arms/back/shoulders/neck. Yes, that’s all one piece. Like the view from behind with a backless dress on. Yeah, that’s nice. And girls don’t have to have great T&A to be hot. They could just have one or the other. Or a mediocre portion of T&A, but a really pretty face. Or just be slutty. there are lots of things that make women attractive.


  23. Wait a second…

    They have All-American girls in Canada?


  24. Romi, where’s the rest of this story??? Don’t leave us hanging like this, it’s just not fair!


  25. Yeah, King Steve is right. Should she be all Canadian or something?


  26. Red: okay, okay, I’ll tell you what happened…just wait a few minutes ;-)

    abarclay:
    9 year old whores are the worst…

    PS: I want you to go to a bar with a t-shirt that says “I’m all weak in the vagina”…let me know how it goes..

    twps: I’m glad you’re in the loop :-)

    Josh: fair enough; I don’t whore myself out enough on my blog; maybe I should add a photo gallery in ’08; various partially-clothed shots…

    PS: why the eff would you have thought I had “Andre the Giant hands?” Goodness!!

    PPS: I’m gonna try to wear a backless dress to work tomorrow, and also be a little slutty; I’ll let you know how it goes ;-)

    King Steve and Josh: meh, All-American girls sounded better than saying “All-Canadian”, and fuck it, we’re all the same anyway ;-)

    Daddy Dan: part II comin’ right up!


  27. [...] Now for those of you unfamiliar with ”Part 1″ of my “embarrassing brush with love”, here you go.  [...]


  28. What’s up with all the Elvis around here?

    Brut… wonderful stuff. I used to swim in it when I was twelve. Which could possibly explain the twenty years of headaches.



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