The “Man-Ponytail”: Y/N?May 7, 2008
Two posts ago a reader commented on the incidence of men with ponytails, and after loudly exclaiming my anti “man-tail” views, I was karma-slapped by a “manly mane” encounter, not even a week later…
…Imagine a busy street corner, right at the peak of the morning rush. Tack on a warming sun and a boisterous breeze, and there you have the scene of my trauma…
…The traffic light was red and I patiently stood there waiting to cross. My surroundings were a semi-conscious blur (as is usually the case “pre latte”), but suddenly the setting sharpened, in a shocking and horrific way:
-I was hit in the face with a “man-ponytail”
Did I mention the boisterous breeze? Well let’s just say that this man-ponytail had serious wings. FOUR TIMES I was lashed in the face by his manly locks, with my innards squirming in agony.
It was a terrible moment, one that I wanted banned from my permanent memory (like the time I pooed my pants at a wedding), but as the morning wore on my mind become obsessed with the mane, and every “manly mane” for that matter…
Here’s my position on man-ponytails: I hate those nasty “danglers”, and I wouldn’t date a man who had one. Surely this sounds judgmental, but the source of my hatred has always been a popular stereotype fact: man-ponytails (at least the long ones) are associated with greasiness, smelliness, and a colony of head-lice.
So wouldn’t you imagine my surprise when the ponytail that whipped me didn’t possess these traits? Not only was his waist-length pony-tail soft, but it smelled of papayas and luscious berries. Despite his ponytail credentials, I almost projectile vomited on his back when his tail started hitting my face.
My continued abhorrence left me with the following quandary:
-If a man-ponytail is groomed and soft and luscious (but ugly), am I still allowed to shun the men that have them? And if I do, what does that make me? A superficial beyotch? And if so, what right do I have to be a superficial beyotch, when I’m nothing more than a desperate dried out “hoo-ha” surrounded by a 27-year-old semi-crazy chick?
You can imagine how these questions haunt my soul, and to think that it all started with a careless comment…
So I guess it’s time for a long hard look in the mirror, to try and figure out if the well-groomed ponytail men are indeed dateable entities, or completely off my list (along with relatives, chimps, and chicks (well mostly…))
In the meantime, I wonder what the people out there think of man-ponytails…hmm? (to help in your decision, I’ve peppered this post with unbiased, neutral ponytail pics)